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- Member
Thu Sep 29, 2016 12:59 pm
Hello. I'm brand new to this forum. I'm not really sure what I'm after, information or just someone to say this to.
Other half was in hospital most of July/August. Had previously had an aortic bypass. Went in with leg pain. First it was blood clots throughout leg, possible cancer so full body scan, no cancer but possibly an infection, petscan confirmed infection in previous graft which couldn't be erased (mechanical ? graft) so needed a replacement graft. Surgery found the previous graft had fused with the bowel so they cut a foot of something off and rejigged the digestive system. I.C., H.D.U., Gen Ward, he had an internal bleed, an infection, pneumonia then another infection. Discharged, district nurses twice daily giving anti-clotting injections, then back as a day patient for a scan, removal of filters in leg and finally the drain. Except the drain was still producing bile so into hospital for another week. That's the background.
I'm struggling. Since this is a carers forum, I'm going to be selfish, because throughout this whole process I've been out of the loop. Still am, he saw the consultant for a follow-up, and also his G.P. for various - it's all about his recovery, rightly so, but what about me ? Who do I ask questions ?
Ok, I've had coming up to three months of stress, whereby he almost died. But he survived, great. Right now, he's upstairs in bed. He barely leaves the bedroom except for the bathroom. Yesterday, he was awake for 4 hours out of 24.He won't walk. He won't 'go out'. He says he's exhausted all the time. At the consultants follow-up, he told him he was practically suicidal the previous week, feeling the way he did. That really blew me away. All the professionals keep saying is ''it was major surgery and it will take time ... six months .. 12 months''. I feel absolutely isolated. There is no one to talk to about this. Ask questions. At the hospital and googling, it's all a gradual improvement, try walking a bit further today than yesterday. He's gone backwards, he's doing less now than when he was discharged.
Ok, me, the selfish bit. I said I feel isolated. I do. There is no one of ask questions. Yes, I think I'm depressed. There is no joy in our home. Just this pervading sense of gloom. I could handle the stress (people do) because it wouldn't be forever, he would recover. He isn't. He's worse. And he isn't even trying. And the really selfish bit is I feel p*ssed off that once they've done their bit he's just dumped at home and I'm supposed to manage. Someone who's physically weak, won't leave bed, is depressed and semi-suicidal (he refused a MH referral)
I don't know if I'm venting. I do know I'm angry. I'm in tears half the time. Anyway, I'll leave it there.
Other half was in hospital most of July/August. Had previously had an aortic bypass. Went in with leg pain. First it was blood clots throughout leg, possible cancer so full body scan, no cancer but possibly an infection, petscan confirmed infection in previous graft which couldn't be erased (mechanical ? graft) so needed a replacement graft. Surgery found the previous graft had fused with the bowel so they cut a foot of something off and rejigged the digestive system. I.C., H.D.U., Gen Ward, he had an internal bleed, an infection, pneumonia then another infection. Discharged, district nurses twice daily giving anti-clotting injections, then back as a day patient for a scan, removal of filters in leg and finally the drain. Except the drain was still producing bile so into hospital for another week. That's the background.
I'm struggling. Since this is a carers forum, I'm going to be selfish, because throughout this whole process I've been out of the loop. Still am, he saw the consultant for a follow-up, and also his G.P. for various - it's all about his recovery, rightly so, but what about me ? Who do I ask questions ?
Ok, I've had coming up to three months of stress, whereby he almost died. But he survived, great. Right now, he's upstairs in bed. He barely leaves the bedroom except for the bathroom. Yesterday, he was awake for 4 hours out of 24.He won't walk. He won't 'go out'. He says he's exhausted all the time. At the consultants follow-up, he told him he was practically suicidal the previous week, feeling the way he did. That really blew me away. All the professionals keep saying is ''it was major surgery and it will take time ... six months .. 12 months''. I feel absolutely isolated. There is no one to talk to about this. Ask questions. At the hospital and googling, it's all a gradual improvement, try walking a bit further today than yesterday. He's gone backwards, he's doing less now than when he was discharged.
Ok, me, the selfish bit. I said I feel isolated. I do. There is no one of ask questions. Yes, I think I'm depressed. There is no joy in our home. Just this pervading sense of gloom. I could handle the stress (people do) because it wouldn't be forever, he would recover. He isn't. He's worse. And he isn't even trying. And the really selfish bit is I feel p*ssed off that once they've done their bit he's just dumped at home and I'm supposed to manage. Someone who's physically weak, won't leave bed, is depressed and semi-suicidal (he refused a MH referral)
I don't know if I'm venting. I do know I'm angry. I'm in tears half the time. Anyway, I'll leave it there.
