10 Professionals and not one listened!

[Pet66]

Hi
Fortunately I do not feel the frustration with both of my husband's consultants after he had the last stroke. The first was very kind to me and my family and thorough with hubby. He didn't diagnosis dementia but warned that more was going on than a stroke. Hubby went to an assessment hospital. The consultant in that hospital eventually concluded that he has vascular dementia. She very strongly advised me that it would not be in my best interests,or more importantly my husband's, that he came home. Complex needs too much.I had managed blindly for the previous 2 years. Looking back, it's a wonder I didn't have a breakdown myself! Thankfully, my daughter's have and still are a wonderful support along with son in laws and grandchildren.All devastated. Also the forum, everyone has helped me to realise that It's not my fault, that I must have some life etc etc.. I hate those words....." put" a loved one in a home... I certainly didn't" put" him there. In fact it's a promise I couldn't keep ( years ago we made the promise to each other).
Some promises are impossible to keep. I find it so sad when I read of others trying to fulfil such a promise, when it's clearly detrimental to all concerned.Life isn't easy is it,when such devastating,emotionally charged things happen, and people in the medical and caring professions poo poo your concerns. Thank goodness for the ones who listen!!

[Irene_1509]

When my husband had his stroke 18 months ago, the symptoms were classic, face, arm, and speech. I knew immediately it was a stroke and phoned 999. When the ambulance came, the ambulance man wanted to check his sugar readings as he is diabetic, in case they were low and, in his words, could be causing the symptoms. I kept telling him it was a stroke, an idiot could see what was wrong. He was lucky in that he got treatment well within the time required. Sometimes paramedics try to make decisions that they are not trained for.

[Huegatort]

Hello Pet66
Thanks once again for sharing your experience/story.
It is good to know that some medical professionals are kind and that's what one needs in a situation like you have experienced.
My old aunt of 89 has vascular dementia and recently had a few falls too, one that resulted in a hip replacement. Her daughter has cared for her for years but after she had a stroke she was struggling too, so like you, she was advised for hers and my aunts well being that being cared for in a nursing home was best for all concerned.
My Cousin has cried so much for weeks on end, struggling with her emotions due to all the change. She looks so unwell right now bless her and has lost weight which she can ill afford to lose!
She too was trying to keep a promise that was impossible to keep and she too is devastated by her experience.
Life is so hard when facing emotional difficulty on top of being physically and mentally drained.
Like my Cousin, you have done all that you can up until the time when it was impossible to continue.
It is good to hear that you have a family who offer their full support.
Sending my regards Pet66 and a (((Hug))) I hope that your weekend is a pleasant one.

[bowlingbun]

Would it help your cousin to join the forum? We used to have an active section for former carers, but it's quiet at the moment. Sadly, many people with dementia spend the last stage in residential care because they need 24/7 nursing care. One person simply can't provide that. Nurses do shifts of no longer than 12 hours, many far less.

[Huegatort]

Hello Irene
I see you had an ambulance man who did something similar to what the ambulance girls did when they came out to our Son. They are not qualified to diagnose, so why do they try and do so!
What is the point of advertising FAST, when the medical people can't identify it but people like ourselves can!
It is frustrating but very worrying to say the least! Even if in doubt the possibility that someone may have had a stroke still needs to be checked.
I hope that your Husband is coping after his stroke and that there's some progress.
Regards

[Huegatort]

Hello bowlingbun
Thanks for your message; it's very much appreciated.
I have mentioned this website to my Cousin but she does not use a computer. If she did, she would benefit from the wealth of knowledge that all of us carers have here at Carers uk and of course other Carers support which I find invaluable.
I hope that you're keeping as well as can be expected.
Regards