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Narcissistic Mother (parent) and how to get help - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Narcissistic Mother (parent) and how to get help

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
@jenny Lucas...

I don't have any support currently. Not really speaking to anyone other than my partner and on here.

I have been in the past, but nothing much came of it all.

Last week I caused absolute caos because I told her (first time in years) that I think she has a mental health issue, and highlighted traits of narcissism. I'm sure you can imagine how this went down.
When she 'erupts' I am then in a position where she will not listen or talk civilly. She becomes extremely upset, crying etc and then I am in a position where I do fear that she could do something daft.

Usually, like last week I will stay distant until this phase passes and then leave the and head home. Usually I will send a message later offering support or whatever, mainly so I get a reply and I know she is 'OK' and hasn't done anything.
It's all too common for people with MH to be in massive denial - after all that's why they have MH!!! So yes, your mum will erupt if you tell her she has MH issues....!!!!!

But I think that the best is, and I only say this entirely off my own bat, nothing 'expert' about it at all, to simply 'walk away' when and if she erupts, or hang up the phone. You can just say something temporarising like 'I'll come back when you're calmer'.

Yes, there's a finite chance she'll self harm or worse, but remember YOU are NOT responsible for her, or for her actions. She may well want to make you responsible, because that is yet another way of controlling you (!), but in fact, you are NOT responsible. Her life is hers to do what she wants with. It's nice/kind/sensible that you check back later to see if she is, indeed, OK. I would adopt a 'minimum reaction' to her outbursts, both for your own sake, (because they are upsetting)! and to gradually teach her that you don't 'jump high' when she cracks her emotional whip over your head.....

Like I say, this is ONLY my own personal opinions. I truly would recommend counselling on this - if your mum is so keen on 'buying' your love and loyalty, maybe she could pay for the counselling!! (I'm being slightly ironic and cynical here.....)

You say she is a businesswoman - I wonder what her staff think of her, if she has any.
In my case of signs of mother son enmeshment. The mother is a covert narcissist about whom the son didn't even realize until got married. The true face of mother. The whole story is listed as described about narcs in the internet. Literally, there is no way to get rid of that woman by him I feel.
Very old thread, locked.