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What do I do? - Carers UK Forum

What do I do?

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
My partner has been floored with a bout of depression and anxiety, lockdown has also made it very difficult. We live together and she has repeatedly told me she doesn’t want to live her, that she wants to be back with her family etc. She has lost almost a stone in weight, she doesn’t eat, her mood is so low, she has no interest in anything (including me), she does not come near me, in fact our foot touched each others in bed the other night and she jumped and moved away. I feel like she really can’t stand me. I’ve told her I’m here for her and expect nothing from her, that I support her and any decision she feels she needs to make in order to get better.

She is on anti depressants and has been for years, she is undertaking counselling but nothing seems to be helping. She is just pushing me away all the time. Yet she can put on a great front and be the life and soul of the party. Our relationship was perfect, we had so many plans and then all of a sudden this bout has floored her and she is questioning everything about us, when our relationship is not the problem.

In the last 5 weeks she’s said:

‘I think maybe a break is best’
‘I don’t want to split up’
‘I don’t know what I want’
‘I’m going to move out and rent a flat with my friend, I don’t know what that means for us’
‘I’m going to buy and we can live separately’
‘I don’t know how I feel about you at the moment’
‘I just feel nothing, I only exist’
‘I don’t know if being together is for the best anymore I just don’t know anything at the moment’.
‘If the shoe was on the other foot I would leave you so you didn’t have to worry about a relationship whilst going through all of this’.

I just don’t know what to do for the best as my mental health is taking a toll. I am very scared I’m going to lose my relationship and very much hope it is the depression talking
I have read that some people with MH issues find any sort of relationship challenging at times.
Maybe your partner should have some time alone somewhere else to work out what would help increase happiness?

I believe everyone is responsible for their own happiness. Life has thrown every possible challenge at me, but I refuse to live life miserable. I am grateful for every day I have been given, having nearly died twice.

I do not think it's fair on you to live with so much negativity, as it's now affecting your own wellbeing.
If you don't stand up for yourself, who will?