Utterly rejected by my son

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
I like that Mrs A
"
Violeta
From what you describe, it actually sounds as though your younger son is:
1. doing well at college
2. living away from home during the term
3. spending holidays in the family home
4. decided he no longer needs meds or psychological help

ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE TREMENDOUSLY POSITIVE

So, your 'baby' is doing well, and growing up!"

Undoubtly these are important steps. Nonetheless things are more complicated than that . We , as parents, have been enduring dettachement and silence for many years, 6 years ..... What I mean is my son would only say "yes" or "no" to your questions , or "oK" when I send a wassap and try a dialogue. Over these years , now and then he would talk to me , but recently he decided not to talk at all , after having a dispute over somenthing not that important .... I then understood our bond is gone . Its not a simple tantroom at all, this is a drastric response .This is an unhealthy way of copying with disagreement or a reality he dosnt like .
This attitude of silence , of dettachement over many years has had a big toll in our family . There is always this big shadow over any happy event or family gathering . Its devastating. You always fear something . You feel rejected and at the sane time feel helpless towards a person that you deeply love . I feel angry with him because of this rejection and at the same time I cannot express it because I know he's suffering .
I feel that the psychologist neglected us as parents , he didnt try to deeply resolve this problem . Its not only us , as parents , if he doesnt resolve this he will reproduce the same way to face other relationships when there is a problem . This is all to do with a personality disorder and how endure love and dettachement .....
Henrietta wrote:
Fri Sep 07, 2018 8:45 am
I like that Mrs A
Glad to hear that Henrietta. :D I find it very calming and keep listening to it at odd or down moments. I have it on my phone
Violets
No one is making your son not speak. He has chosen that route, no matter how strange it seems to you. All you can do is remind him that you are there when he's ready.
With my boy who initially refused help (hasn't been to doctors so no diagnosis) we paid for private counselling with someone who had been recommended to me and although he went I don't think he really engaged with it. A few months maybe a year later he hit a really low patch so I just showed him on the computer the BACP list of local counsellors and told him to choose 3 or 4 to go along and see which he liked best. He picked a few names , made contact and stayed with the first one he met.
Rather than pushing him, he was led gently. I had no idea it would work but it did
You could try leaving leaflet from relevant MH organisations about if showing him yourself is too direct. Let him know there is other help out there, but let him pick what is best for him last guy doesn't sound too right for your boy.

He may also want to check out this website.
https://www.themix.org.uk


Both hubby and I and son have counselling when things get bad or down. For son to see us going and asking for and getting help it is very positive.

Please as I said before try to concentrate on you for a while. Don't let yourself get caught up in his downwardness. Get off his ride and make your own route for a while. It's not deserting him, it's letting him be while you take time out to heal and recover a bit

Xx
MrsA
MrsAverage wrote:
Fri Sep 07, 2018 12:07 am
Violeta, and Jane, and anyone else struggling
I have been finding this poem uplifting. I hear it as letting go of stress but it can mean whatever you hear in it. I hope you enjoy
https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&sourc ... 73lZ11z8Jc

If you play it once a day it counts as mindfulness/meditation too, double win
Hi Mrs A
I love your advice!
Such wonderful resources - thank you! I too found the courses on FutureLearn helped me to better understand my son's serious mental health condition. It's been two years of hard slog on my part, getting him the support and resources he needs to help him live as normal a life as possible. I'm a single parent, and I'm pretty exhausted, but I do practise self-care as a matter of survival: To help myself, I use the CALM app daily, which has Mindfulness and Meditation sessions, audio Masterclasses, and Sleep Stories; I have a diffuser with essential oils that helps soothe my anxiety; and I make days to pamper myself with body, hair and nail products. Next step is regular exercise - and yes, yoga is good. Thanks for your suggestions. I'll check out the poem now. :kiss:
I still feel that you would benefit from face to face counselling, as the counsellor can respond to body language etc. which a computer can't do.
MrsAverage wrote:
Fri Sep 07, 2018 1:52 pm
Violets
No one is making your son not speak. He has chosen that route, no matter how strange it seems to you. All you can do is remind him that you are there when he's ready.
With my boy who initially refused help (hasn't been to doctors so no diagnosis) we paid for private counselling with someone who had been recommended to me and although he went I don't think he really engaged with it. A few months maybe a year later he hit a really low patch so I just showed him on the computer the BACP list of local counsellors and told him to choose 3 or 4 to go along and see which he liked best. He picked a few names , made contact and stayed with the first one he met.
Rather than pushing him, he was led gently. I had no idea it would work but it did
You could try leaving leaflet from relevant MH organisations about if showing him yourself is too direct. Let him know there is other help out there, but let him pick what is best for him last guy doesn't sound too right for your boy.

He may also want to check out this website.
https://www.themix.org.uk


Both hubby and I and son have counselling when things get bad or down. For son to see us going and asking for and getting help it is very positive.

Please as I said before try to concentrate on you for a while. Don't let yourself get caught up in his downwardness. Get off his ride and make your own route for a while. It's not deserting him, it's letting him be while you take time out to heal and recover a bit

Xx
MrsA
I read more than once your words Mrs Avarage , they are like an ointment to my wounds . I spend the day struggling trying to focus in what I do , trying to interact in superficial conversations of dayly life without the motivation.....
I feel full of guilt , did I say somenthing that upset him ? I shoudn't have reproachhim anyhing ....I cannot express my distress easily to anyone here... Is like everyone has got his one agenda and I dont want to interfere ....
Thank you again Mrs A.