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This doesn't make sense!!! - Carers UK Forum

This doesn't make sense!!!

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Hi All, as you can read in my new people post,my hub has aspergers syndrome and depression.I have tried unsuccessfully to get him back under the mental health team via my GP's - we moved to a new area ,and this last few days have been hell.

My hub got it into his head he wanted to build a cannabis plant in the loft!! of course I was set against it ,we argued and on Thursday night he threatened to rip my face off. I had no crisis intervention number to call,and so rang the police. He was hauled off and kept overnight.He was bound over to keep the peace and let go the next day. Meanwhile,I got a call from the police, they wanted me to take out an occupation and non molestation order,and although I felt this was wrong for us,I felt I had to go through with it.
All last night I was fraught with worry,I had his elderly mother on the phone crying with concern for me.At 8 this a/m I let the dogs out front and there he was.Frozen through,slept in a porta loo in a nearby park.
I had to put him to bed,and then call the server and say look I'm sorry,he's here.Safe,and I'm not throwing him out.
How can I make my gp see he really needs mental help instead of police intervention?

thank you
Hello Barrowgirl......oh my goodness, does my heart go out to you!
Here in Peterborough we are going through that same subject of trying to make the Police aware of Mental Health issues and dealing with these people. I don't think that most of them have a clue!
My 35 year old son also has AS and it's so difficult to watch him suffer. Luckily he doesn't have aggression in him now.
If your GP won't listen to you - is it possible to change doctors? Ask for referral to the Mental Health crisis team and/or referral to a consultant psychiatrist (get him to hurry it up) .....also ask for a Carer's Assessment for yourself.
Have a look at this website to see if it can help you with any of the situation..
www.rethink.org. There are also other websites, such as MIND. For now though, you need to feel safe.
People who suffer with this syndrome have troubles with dealing with relationships, as I imagine you know. It may have been his frustration coming out, with not knowing how to express his feelings. You obviously felt afraid of him though?
i'm sure that someone else will be along soon to offer more advice xx
I think that next time you feel that your safety is at risk you would receive a more appropriate response by ringing 999, asking for the ambulance service rather than the police and telling them that your husband has MH problems, is behaving bizarrely, has threatened you and that you fear for your safety. In this sort of situation the ambulance service should ask the police to accompany them to your home and, hopefully, rather than your husband being taken to a police cell he will be taken to your local A&E or psychiatric hospital where, again hopefully, he will be properly assessed. This is how the system is supposed to work in these situations, unfortunately there is no guarantee that it will.

I also think that, however much you love your husband, you need to think about your own safety and whether this relationship is right for both of you. I think that you need to balance his need of you against the physical and emotional risk to you. I know that this sounds harsh but no-one should live in fear and unless your husband can access and comply with appropriate treatment in your situation, whatever the cause, I would be seriously considering whether I should remain in the relationship, it is too late when you have been badly injured, I left an abusive and sometimes violent marriage in my 20s and have never regretted it.
Thank you all. I have now had time to talk to him and found out he got conned in the pub.Someone told him it was a gold chain and he gave him £55.I looked it up on e bay and it's gold plate and going for £0.99p. That's a whole weeks carers benefit gone.He took his t shirt off and lost it , but perhaps I should just be grateful that nothing happened to him as he slept in the porta potti!! George Michael never came by !! God, you have to laugh with this or you'd cry.

All your thoughts are worth having,there is some good points there,especially the ambulance calling.
I am trying again (ta for that siggestion)with another G.P. same practice on Monday.He is so vulnerable he should be under mental health,how can he not be?

My safety will be improved a lot with a crisis intervention number. I have very seriously considered moving on for my safety but I love him too much.Maybe I should be under the mental health team too ?!
Hi B,

I posted earlier but seems to not be here!!!!
Very sound advice from Parsifal.
You need to look towards your own safety, easier said than done.

You know Parsifels response about calling an ambulance when my hub kicks off was so sensible,I mentioned it to the duty officer we saw at my hubs mental assessment today.He said that would not be appropriate,and that calling police would be better.I questioned that as I said police aren't skilled in coping with mental illness,and he said he agreed but if he got taken to A and E I'd be no further on.I shall bring it up again when we see hubs shrink that he's now got an appointemnt to see.It was basically a q and a session but at least we are going on to see someone else.The shrink-sorry-can't spell the psych proper term- may be able to prescribe which would be good , but calling the police who then set hub free when he is confused and does daft things isn't on.I shall be looking for an answer.

best wishes
Hi B,

At least you're a step further in the right direction. Ambulance suggestion has more common sense to it than police. Don't give up keep pushing the powers that be.

Karen x x
You know Parsifels response about calling an ambulance when my hub kicks off was so sensible,I mentioned it to the duty officer we saw at my hubs mental assessment today.He said that would not be appropriate,and that calling police would be better.I questioned that as I said police aren't skilled in coping with mental illness,and he said he agreed but if he got taken to A an
Hello, I am new to this forum and ws just reading through posts and came across your and in particular Parsfels suggestion of ringing ambulance. I would like to tell you about my experienece of this if you dont mind.
My OH has depression and anxiety and last year tried to overdose. I rang ambulance and because he has become aggitate4d and aggressive because I had tried to stop him the police escorted the ambluance service to our house and eventually when we calmed him down the police escorted us to the hospital. He was seen by the mental health crisis team who got him referred very quickly to a CBT.
I would strongly recommend that they next time he becomes too much for you to handle or you feel threatened, you ring for that ambulance and say what Parsfels said. The ambulance peeps are trained more than the police and he will be put intouch with the crisis team.
Hope this helps and sorry if it doesnt.
Hi Radders-welcome.Things have moved on now.He is under mental health- but the strong message is-call the police.I was told by his shrink and CPN that an ambulance would not respond.That it was a job for the police.The reason for this is because the shrink has just lately revealed to me that she does not believe my hub's aggression is condition related.It has taken me a while to get my head round that but I have to accept that my hub can't behave that way and then say "well it's my condition." Apparently he does have an element of self will and control.At first, this was hard to accept, but he has been bound over for 4 months now and guess what? he has been well behaved- mostly.Also though- we don't have a crisis team in our area.If someone kicks off AT the mental health offices-even they have to call the police.Condition or not.
I still think Parsifels advice is good but to be honest the last time he kicked off I was so terrified I didn't care who came.He was so blase with the police he tried to walk back into the house to roll a cigarette.They were not amused.
I am learning more about how to keep myself safe and now others are aware of it.The big fly in the ointment that adds to the stress is his sister down South who still thinks he's a sweet little bruv who can do no wrong,and keeps stirring things.
Thank you for sharing your experience though.I still think it should happen Parsifels way in an ideal world.
Hmm... after reading this, there is a part of me that want's to stay quiet and say nothing but at the same time, I have to say something.

You see, my "step dad" moved in with us when I was 10 or 11 and for a while, things were great with him. He was all the things that dad wasn't caring, attentive, had time to listen to us etc. In time though, he started to show his true colours.

To start with, it was the small, trivial things that annoyed him. The tv being loud, the gameboy having volume on, texting at the dinner table etc. It gradually increased to the point where I was play fighting with my siblings and I guess it annoyed him because he threatened to hit me. I backed myself into a corner to get away from him and the next thing I know he's got his fist over the head of a 15 year old female (I had my fists balled at this point) and he says "Yes, you hit me and I'll hit you like your a man". Nothing ever came of this for me although my brother and sister have both had to fight him.

He recently went through chemotherapy and as a result of this he gets wound up easily and mum (who I care for) put it down to this. I asked her last night "Fair enough, it could be the chemo, I won't deny that but where does his condition end? Is it when he hits someone again or when someone is lying there dead? I mean this guy already has previous for aggressive behaviour and the buck has to stop somewhere, right?

Are the courts going to say "It's alright, he's had chemotherapy a year ago"?

Just be careful with yourself and remember that your safety has to come over and above your caring role no matter what.