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Struggling... its all getting too much! - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Struggling... its all getting too much!

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Doctors just aren't any good with mental illness, many just don't understand at all, giving antidepressants to resolve depression, its more than just that.

I am a male unpaid carer suffering from depression, so i can understand what's it like, men don't like to admit they are ill, its a sign of weakness (it isn't but in their mind it is).
Being on a waiting list doesn't resolve anything, is there nothing else available?
Try the Mental Health services PALS, say your husbands got depression, its putting a terrible strain on the family, what can PALS do to help.

Depression is bad, sometimes you just want to lock yourself away, not talk to anyone, not see anyone, which is impossible if you have a family, other days you may feel a bit better.
Your husband has to reach out and say look I don't feel very well, explain how he feels, there may be emotional torment in his head, alsorts of thoughts, these need to be released by counselling.
But Men just don't do that, men just don't like illness, talking about illness and there is such a stigma on mental illness.
But anyone can get mental illness, rich or poor, dustman or solicitor.

Depression just doesn't get better without treatment, it is an illness and and like any illness needs treatment, help and support.

And you too are under terrible strain looking after your mum and your kids and your husband, just impossible to cope with all that, you need a break from all this otherwise you will have a breakdown.

I am not defending your your husband in any way but grabbing you is wrong, he needs to control his anger or frustration, but how can he with no help.
Depression is anger turned inwards, but anger comes out, your husband needs anger management but anger management just doesn't seem to exist in this country, cut to save money.

I was taught at psychology to punch a pillow, pretend the person who has hurt you is in a chair, have a right go at them, sounds ridiculous but releases the tension.
Has your husband suffered abuse in the past, is there a reason for the depression?, you can get reactive depression, the mind reacts to difficult circumstances.

Can you get a punchbag and some boxing gloves, hang it up in the garage, excellent for releasing the anger and tension.
Exercise helps with depression, walking, cycling, football, gets you out the house and gets your endorphins working.

The doctor should be doing a lot more to help and your doctor, can your doctor help? there might be someone in the practise who can give support, a mental health link worker? you can have a chat with.
It should all be confidential so it was wrong what happened, I am not allowed any info about my disabled wife even though i live with her and care for her.

Social services should be helping with your mum and should be helping you as an unpaid carer, you just have so much strain on you.
Have you a carers centre near you, give them a ring? explain all the circumstances.

If your husband can't talk to you, guilty, ashamed, then there are mental health lines that can help,
Just look it up mental health crisis line, there are lines especially for men, CALM have a helpline for men
talking to someone , getting things off your chest you or your husband will make things a bit better.

I hope this all helps depression is an awful illness and i just don't think the doctors fully understand mental illness and the consequences.
If you can't find any numbers, tell me where you are, area you are in or town or who provides the mental health services in your area? i can have a look for you.
Hi Melissa,

You are doing a lot. It would be best if you focused on yourself too. Give some time to self-care. Try to indulge in activities like exercising, meditation to keep yourself positive and motivated.

I hope it helps you.