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Struggling - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum


For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
sunnydisposition wrote:
Sat Sep 14, 2019 10:24 am
Good morning Kirsty

I think these are the people for your next move...


Their work is amazing and well documented given who you have already contacted. To no avail - there is nothing to lose!!

I'm so sorry for what you and your partner are struggling with. It's so difficult trying to support yourself, your children and your husband.

I'm also really sorry thr NHS mental health service have let you down, I've been working in it for 4 years plus and it doesn't actually surprise me. There isn't enough money/staff.

1. If your husband is reporting current intent, rating from 0-10 (10 being he has the plans and intentions to act on these thoughts and 0 being be may be struggling daily but doesn't want to act) they typically don't accept those below 5. If he is scoring higher and have active plans and actions in place and they are still discharging him, you need to report this to PALS and the CQC because they have a duty of care. If he doesn't have any plans or actions, then I'm so sorry it's literally because our mental services are drowning!

Is his attempts impulsive? Because if so that could be one indicate of a personality disorder - and this does increase his risk!

2. He won't be able to get therapy if he is risky, it isn't manageable for therapists sadly. Especially as therapy can be a very tough and emotionally draining experience and could interest his risk levels. Please consider looking at DBT - it's highly effectively for complex cases, especially if he does have a Personality disorder - if you have the money I'd suggest private as it saves the wait list, but obviously not many can sadly. And he'd still need his risk to reduce, he needs a psychiatric assessments and placed on the right medication which should take the edge off.

3. Consider a self referral to an IAPT service, if he has recently attempted (within two weeks from the referral date) then they will not accept him. But in any case they can refer him to a community service and their referral would be more detailed and likely to include a demand for a psychiatric assessment. IAPT are likely to reject him because we can't have those in risk on the wait list it's just unfair to the person, we aren't a crisis service sadly. But they are great with signposting and supporting you to sign post.

I know that was all practical and informative advice, I am hoping getting some information from someone who has worked on a psychiatric ward and is currently an therapist in an IAPT service and is in a relationship with someone who has a personality disorder this might be helpful.

If they are mistreating or neglecting his needs, get in contact with PALS for advice and support. They are very quick and they've helped me in the past when the services have failed my partner!

For yourself, you could consider a self referral to IAPT as well. IAPT aim to increase access to psychological therapies, and they offer either cognitive behavioural therapy or counselling! And although they come under the NHS they are technically seperate.

If you need any technical advice around the NHS I'm happy to try and answer anything!

I'm so sorry though, this sounds like an incredibly difficult time.
Hi Kirsty, what has happened here is your husband is feeling really bad about himself, probably because he had an affair - there may be other reasons too. My advice is simple - show him how much you love him by giving him hugs, cuddles and kisses. Tell him you love him and that you forgive him. And if you possibly can - Put your husband first (sometimes) to let him know how important he is to you.
Another thing you could do is to phone/text any kind friends he might have who could meet up with him or visit him at home. Please let us know if any of this advice helps.