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Staying in touch with someone - Carers UK Forum

Staying in touch with someone

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Hi everyone
I'm new here .

I have had a support worker for 5 years and she is the first person I learned to trust again after suffering domestic abuse and mental health.
She is leaving the organisation im housed with and I'm gutted sad and can't share the feeling with anyone or shake the feeling.
She's said she has to care for her grandson at home with her daughter and then may look for another job
She said I can see her puppy sometime too between me and her
I'm hoping to get my own flat in the next year and move on from supported housing

Can I legally stay in touch with her once I've got my own flat ? And out of this organisation ?
Saying this if she chooses to carry on working in the care field but I'd be an ex client anyway as soon as she works for someone else.
I don't want to get her into
Trouble legally

Thanks :D

Hi Laura
Most paid care workers have something in their contract to say they must not see clients in the first 6 months after they leave their employment , mostly to avoid poaching and also safe.guarding. Perhaps just ask her to contact you when she is able to and free from the terms of her contract.This site is not for paid care workers but for unpaid family carers so not many will be able to help you.
Hi Laura
This is actually a forum for unpaid family carers so we are not too knowledgeable in this situation.

I suggest you do talk to whoever is in charge where you live and say how worried and frightened you are. It is ok to feel this way when things are about to change.
I think sometimes paid care staff are not allowed to stay in contact with past clients, it all depends on their employment contacts.
Please do share your feelings with the others there to support you.

Remember you have already had one support worker who you like and trust. You can have that again. Meeting someone new can be a good, even a better, experience.

Best wishes
It's always sad, as well as scary, when someone we like having around us and playing a part in our lives, 'moves on'.

If you do keep in touch (subject to what has been said above about the 'rules' that have to apply), your relationship with this lady WILL change. That is NOT a 'bad thing' - in fact, it is a 'good thing'....

In a way, she has acted maybe like the stabilisers on your bike - you've needed her to 'get stability' in your life, BUT, that has now been achieved (or definitely 'more so than before'), so, in a way, you are now taking the stailisers she provided off, or changing to smaller ones, as your own 'life balance' improves as you 'heal'.

So, yes, your future relationships won't be 'quite the same', nor should it be - but it CAN 'transform'. She can become a 'friend', and maybe there will always be an element of 'mentoring' in your relationship - she is older than you by the sounds of things, and having a good, stable, 'wise' older friend is always helpful to most of us!

It will be a 'tricky balancing act' to get that new balance 'right', ie, moving from 'formal support worker' to 'informal friend and time-to-time mentor', and the 'letting go' you have to do (and she, too), will be a little 'stressy' perhaps? That's not the right word, but I want something that says 'having to adjust and 'feel your way forward to a new dynamic' between you.

Friendship with anyone requires 'feeling one's way' - how often are we in touch, how, when are we being 'too clingy' or 'too remote' etc etc etc. Be guided, perhaps, by how SHE behaves to you now, as she 'lets go' of the professional relationship she has had with you, with clear rules and guidelines, and moves that, if it is 'allowed' to happen, to a more 'personal' basis, whereby she either CHOOSES to 'stay in touch' or chooses not to, or perhaps not as much as you would want.

Remember, don't go entirely by 'what you yourself want', because of what I said about the 'stabilisers'. She may know you MUST, for your own emotional health, be able to ride the 'life bike' without stabilisers, and so whatever your nervousness, she needs to encourage you to 'ride on your own' without her holding your hand as she did in the professional relationship.

It is a little bit 'positive cycle' I thing - AS you get more confident and empowered in your own life, YOU will 'change the relationship' with her, and in a way, you know, it may get to the point where she is only a 'fond memory' of someone who helped you when things were bleak for you. Letting go, does not mean 'forgetting'......

Wishign you well, and hope your progress towards happiness, even if 'unevent' is overall 'upward and onward'.....

Kind wishes, Jenny