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Mental health in partners - Carers UK Forum

Mental health in partners

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Hello, I just wondered if anyone cares for their partners due to some mental health concerns. Myself and my husband have had an extremely difficult year since his mental breakdown in January. His problems relate to paranoia, control and OCD. I would really value someone to talk to who is/has been in the same boat as I'm finding it hard at times to cope.

Thank you

S x
Hi Welcome to the site.

My ex, suffered some form of breakdown when we were together a few yrs ago, attemted many time to od/ slash wrists in front of the kids, gas himself in garage.
In the end we couldnt stay together ( there were many many other issues ).
Its not something i ever talk about or mention but i understand a little of how stressful it can be.
Reading that back sounds really cold, we didnt break up due to these problems, it goes a lot deeper then that.

Tracey x
My husband attempted suicide in January, it's been horrible. I think i've got so much anger and negativity pent up inside me as i don't want to release it on anyone and i'm not usually an angry horrible person. If i wrote the feelings and thoughts i have at the moment i'm sure people would read it and find it extremely cold and unfeeling. I know things do go deeper than you can write sometimes though. Thank you for writing to me, i really appreciate it. Sounds like you've had awful times Image Sometimes i think i could write forever rambling on about everything inside my head but i'll try not to over do it. I'm thankful i've found a place where other people might be able to relate. I feel very guilty for feeling so resentful of late x
Hi Sugarless. I can sympathise with you. My husband is suffering with depression..his is caused by having (COPD). As he is getting worse the depression is getting worse because he can't do the things he used to do....so he got it into his head that as he is going to get worse (((life was not worth going on)))). I had to get the doctor to come and see him and he is now on antidepressants. 2WKS on we are hoping they have started to take effect!!! It was a very scary situation.....but he did say he wanted help which i am so grateful for. but it is going to take along time to come to terms with everything that is going on....He has a voice problem as well and is having laser treatment on his voice box as he had a tumour on the larynx but luckily it was benign...anyway hope i have not bored you with my troubles...but just wanted to say i know how you feel and i hope things get better for you.

Hi there, I saw your reply to my post in the newbie bit, thank you for that. I do understand where you are coming from. It is so difficult when the person you rely on to be there alongside you suddenly "isn't there" in a mental sense and it's hard to have to cope with everything all by yourself. One thing is the unpredictability of it and not knowing whether you are going to have a good day or a bad day. I'm not a bitter person but i envy other people with their "normal" lives who seem to take it all for granted. People are so scared off by mental illness too and it's astounded me how people have kept their distance because they don't know what to say! At times it has seemed like there is no light at the end of the tunnel and i have felt utter despair and total loneliness but now things are slowly improving i can face most days, although today hasn't been a good day for other reasons!!! It is comforting to know that you are not alone and other people are struggling too and understand how you feel. Whenever things get hard you need to grasp on to whatever is most important to you and make that your motivation for doing what you have to do. For me it is my kids that drive me, their happiness is everything and i'll do anything to protect them. I love my husband too of course and just want him back how he was before and think that hopefully maybe one day we can reach that. For now though it's just one day at a time, which is a cliche but is the only way to look at a situation like this. Hope your day isn't too bad today.xxx
Tomorrow is a mystery, yesterday is history.............today is a gift. Image
Thank you Kitty, if we had children it would probably give me more strength. I'm not sure what i look for lately to keep me motivated, my light doesn't seem very bright at the moment but i don't seem to get as upset about it as i used to. I guess i'm hoping for some understanding from him and for him to think of me before himself at some stage about anything, just some sign really. As you say it's a day by day thing....please feel free to message me if you ever need to talk etc. I really appreciate the messages i've had from people here since i posted. xxx
Hi Sugarless (and anyone else reading), I hope that things have been ok for you over the last week or so. Things are just so unpredictable with mental illness and you don't know what's going to happen next. My husband says that he doesn't feel happiness or sadness anymore, that he is getting used to "things looking weird" and that he doesn't recognise himself when he looks in the mirror which means that the derealisation has developed into depersonalisation too. Image Well we have less than 3 weeks til his appt with the psychiatrist so i'm hoping that they will up his medication again to help control some of this. i understand what you mean about feeling like you are never put first, i feel like that too, although i know he doesn't mean to make me feel like that, he's just in his own little world sometimes and thinking about what he needs. On the plus side he has got less anxious and is contemplating going out alone today which is a big step. Really hope that you have been feeling more positive about your situation, although i know this is difficult.xxx
Thank you for your well wishes. I'm very lucky to have incredibly supportive parents so i have been spending a lot of time with them over the past week. Things are still rather strained at home but keeping it friendly. My husband now knows that i am currently seriously thinking about our situation. It's not so much with ending our relationship, it is purely regarding taking a few steps back and losing the house which would relieve me of a lot of financial pressure and would give me some space. I know it has it's negatives but I need to look after myself right now and to get my debts in order so i can try and move forward in life and maybe once a few things have been sorted we can start again. I would like to think we can start again together, i'm hoping over time a few positive changes would have come to pass with my husband and we can have a future together. I think my mind is pretty much set on losing the house in order to give me some freedom and a bit of a life after what has been an awful year of worry so far. I just want a bit of relief. In my heart i don't want to lose him forever but for the moment i don't feel i can handle him full time. I'm very aware how horrible that sounds, like he's a monster. He isn't a monster, he's not easy for me to be around 24/7 admittedly but i also think it's my fault too. I've adapted so much this year in order to suit him i've lost myself along the way...x
One thing has led to another and last night we ended the relationship although he seems to be everywhere mentally. I had been avoiding telling him i feel all lst week, probably because i knew it would end in a drama. When i do raise my case about something im not happy about he usually takes his wedding ring off and ends it. There's no compromise on his part. Then he left and i went to my mum and dads, he rang at 2am drunk, quite abusive, then it turned around and it was intense guilt trips, panic and upset as he has noone and nowhere to go and no money, no job. He has his mums but he doesn't want to go there as their relationship isn't good. Then by 4am he was quite calm and later text saying he realises now how he talks to me sometimes and it was about time he dealt with his problem himself and sorted himself out and he was sorry for the last two hours etc. Then when i went home this morning to feed the animals he was listening to the radio, wide awake in bed. I asked if he had got some sleep and he said a little and he asked me and i said none. Then this morning whilst i've been at work he's tried calling me a dozen times and has emailed me asking me to ring him etc. I told him a dozen times to leave me be at work and i'll see him when i get home as it wasn't the time and place and he emailed back saying it's ok, i was ringing to sort things out and to tell you how horrible i feel without you but it's clear from you not ringing what you're view is..... Now my friend has text me saying that he has received a text from my husband saying he wishes he had killed himself:(