Reaching my limit

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
It seems to be a common topic , but I'm reaching the end of my tether. It doesn't matter what I do , my wife just looks for things to complain about and get bad tempered .
Nothing anyone does for her is right, nobody cares, everyone is against her. She objects to anyone enjoying themselves, refuses to do anything, abd getting her to appointments is yet another series of ranting against doctors and me.
She just doesn't seem to grasp that it's very hard for me and family when all she does is find fault .
I know it's because she's depressed and has been for many years, but it's the sheer self-centred attitude expecting people to help when she makes the simplest things into a source of difficulty .
Hello Alex

I'm sorry to hear that things are still such an uphill struggle for you - I haven't any experience in the field of Mental Health but wonder if you have been in touch with MIND ? I'm pretty sure that they would have some advice for you on how to manage your wife's expectations and her subsequent disappointments.

We have a few members who are in a similar situation to yourself and I hope that they might be along later to offer some advice from their experiences.
Hi Alex we have a mind carers support group near me and also rethink do a similar support group. It's a relief to be able to tell others how you feel and know they understand
Thank you for the comments. It will be difficult to get away to any groups. I don't think I want support as such , as trying to get her to see how her behaviour looks from the outside.
We're waiting for an appointment for counselling, which she will resist.
The advice I've gathered from various websites seems to be to tell her behaviour is upsetting , rather than accepting it
Alex_1610 wrote:Thank you for the comments. It will be difficult to get away to any groups. I don't think I want support as such , as trying to get her to see how her behaviour looks from the outside.
We're waiting for an appointment for counselling, which she will resist.
The advice I've gathered from various websites seems to be to tell her behaviour is upsetting , rather than accepting it
I think you will find Alex that both MIND and rethink will have telephone support lines that you contact and talk to someone without having to leave the house - certainly worth a try ? They may be able to give you pointers on how to approach and handle your wife's 'demands'.
Sorry if I've missed this information, but is there any thing physically wrong with your wife? If not, then why not simply stop doing things for her?

Yes, maybe she has depression, but she still has to make an effort in life. Why should you put up with her behaviour?

Again, so sorry if I'm totally missing something here!
Alex_1610 wrote:It seems to be a common topic , but I'm reaching the end of my tether. It doesn't matter what I do , my wife just looks for things to complain about and get bad tempered .
Nothing anyone does for her is right, nobody cares, everyone is against her. She objects to anyone enjoying themselves, refuses to do anything, abd getting her to appointments is yet another series of ranting against doctors and me.
She just doesn't seem to grasp that it's very hard for me and family when all she does is find fault .
I know it's because she's depressed and has been for many years, but it's the sheer self-centred attitude expecting people to help when she makes the simplest things into a source of difficulty .
Hi Alex

Just to say - I hear you. My husband is like this at times. I agree it makes little things very difficult.

I can do 9 things brilliantly but the 10th thing a little off, well of course he picks up on the 10th thing and overlooks the brilliant things.

The rants are irritating. I didn't know until recently that it isn't normal to rant all the time! I had got to a place where I thought it was!!!
Yes sounds very familiar. I do sympathise. After 12 years of looking after my wife I have had the usual ups and downs but we appeared to be able to cope even after 5 'episodes'. The last 15 months has been hell as she has hit a new level of depression and now blames me for everything, can't see the good side of me or life and is generally a pain to be around. I can't help how to fix it, as I am trying to find a way out of this hole myself. She has gone from Olanzapine 2.5mg to 7.5Mg (which was not stopping the depression and she was getting increasingly anxious and waking a lot) to 2.5Mg Olanzapine plus Depacote (1000Mg x2 a day). This has certainly stopped the anxiety, sleeplessness, panic attacks and bad depression but she is still very negative towards me. I am not sure how long Depacote takes but after 3 weeks I have seen some improvement in the last 3 days and I just hope it continues to improve but fear it will lapse at any moment. Good Luck. I am trawling for support groups and generally just people to share my experiences with in the hope that we can help each other. You are not alone out there!
Things seen to have improved this weekend.Despite having had problems renewing her prescription, she was cheerful all weekend . We've been to see her mother( she has dementia) and family. Usually she goes downhill after these visits, but so far is positive.
The test is whether she stays that way.
I just wish I knew what it was that made that difference.
Hmm, I'm tempted to say 'Well, ask her!'....but that might set her off!

As you say, see how it goes, and while it is 'plain sailing' enjoy the pleasant conditions.

The real challenge is how you should behave to her when her 'happy mind' changes to her 'nasty mind' (OK, I'll be generous to her 'unhappy mind'!)

Even so, I know that it's like living on a volcano, never knowing when she might erupt again (My mum was like that - we made the most of the plain sailing, but boy, it could change with a single ill-advised comment, and off she'd go again in full rant.....:( )