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Just feeling a bit low - Carers UK Forum

Just feeling a bit low

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
My lovely teenage daughter has emerging EUPD with self harm and repeated overdoes with intent to die, another one on Friday. A night in hospital, lack of sleep for me, constant worry and I am drained.
Just moaning really...
I love her, won't ever give up on her, but I feel like the worst mother in the universe. Its been 3 years, some small positive steps being made, but so many down times. Drs talk of possibly aspergers, in addition to EUPD, I feel like my head is spinning. Trying to work fulll time, raise family as a single parent and support us all...whilst staying sane.
The hardest thing seems to be having to defend her with family who just want her to get better! What if she can't but simply needs to learn to live and cope with how she sees the world. People on the outside only see so much and I can't cope with supporting them as well....I know how selfish that sounds, but sometimes I just don't want to update family, talk about it, hear their constant recommendations, comments and questions.
It's so hard...
I am OK, just having one of those days.
Welcome to the forum Louise.
I'm not surprised you feel low and drained. I didn't read your post as moaning!
I'm so sorry I'm unable to help as my situation is very different to yours. I do however understand how draining it is to try and update and defend a loved one with difficulties.
Someone will be along shortly with some advice.
Just letting you know I'm listening and my heart goes out to you.
Thank you...knowing that you heard is probably all that was needed...thank you.
Louise - hang on with grim life to two clear facts:

Fact 1. Your daughter's condition is NOT YOUR FAULT. And, because it isn't your fault, there are LIMITS to your 'responsibility' as well!

Fact 2. You CANNOT 'do everything for everyone.'

You say that one source of tension for you is the attitude of your other children (is that correct?) towards their sister with EUPD. Have I got that right? How old is everyone - as in, are your other children younger or older than their siblings with EUPD (and how old is she?)

I'm asking because the 'age relation' can play in to their attitude. If she is older, then the fact she is 'not right' can be 'scary', and if she is younger then that fact can become merely 'irritating'.

I suspect that all parents who have one child out of several who has 'special needs' (in any definition, including MH) face a common dilemma - how to balance the 'extra demands' placed on them by the 'special needs' child, with the very reasonable 'normal demands' of all the other children.

The 'other children' can feel, as you don't need me to tell you, both scared and frustrated (often both), and even 'resentful' that one of their siblings is 'demanding' (!) so much time and attention from you. After all, the more you give your EUPD daughter, the less you give your other children. So, perhaps, you are trying to 'extend' your time allocation, in that you are stretching yourself to 'compensate' your non-SN children for the 'extra time and attention' that your EUPD daughter is taking up???? But, of course, you can't (ie, there are only 24 hours in a day), and even if you stretch yourself to the maximum, you still won't be able to 'square that circle'.

The brute truth is that your EUPD daughter IS taking up 'more than her fair share' of your time - because of her SN. And it's very understandable that your other children should resent that. ESPECIALLY since, I venture to say, that IF your SN daughter were, say, wheelchair bound, there would be an obvious 'need' that she has over and above your other children. BUT, because this is 'all in her head' it's also understandable that your other children simply want her to 'get over herself'' (!) accept she's 'just like them' (!) and not 'make such a damn fuss about herself all the damn time' (!!!!) and basically, to 'put up and shut up' so they can have a 'normal family'.

I'm not saying it IS like this in your family, but that it might well be, and if so it's very understandable. From your other children's point of view, your EUPD daughter is taking up 'excessive' time and attention, and getting 'more than her fair share'.
Hi Louise,

Sorry to say but I had to google EUPD as unsure what it was. Sounds like so much going on, for your daughter, for you and for the family as a whole.
I have just read this blog post and the comments left by others
http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/blog/l ... y-disorder

Further info here for more support
http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/mental ... nd-support

If you enter your postcode on this link it will tell you if any local support groups
https://www.rethink.org/about-us/our-support-groups

Support for parents https://www.rethink.org/carers-family-f ... or-parents

Support for siblings https://www.rethink.org/carers-family-f ... gs-network

Useful contacts https://www.rethink.org/diagnosis-treat ... l-contacts

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