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- Member
Tue Jan 31, 2017 4:59 pm
Major sad rant follows, feel free to ignore
Well after over a year of thinking I was balancing on a tightrope while walking on eggshells, I've today realised what I am actually doing is pushing a huge very heavy and very stubborn rock up a hill.
The aim has been to stop the rock rolling back down and settling at the bottom where no one else sees it or is concerned about it.
But that rock is my son and I cannot bear to see him stuck, or rolling back to the bottom.
I have tried encouraging, cajoling and praising and sometimes the rock has moved forward, not much but a little. But everyday to keep it in place or stop it falling back I have to use all my energy and wits and it gets very very tiring.
Sometimes we progress. Mostly we don't. Because the rock doesn't see he has a problem and that he should be at least be taking his own weight and then moving forward to join the real human world. The rock doesn't see that doing nothing means he stays stuck or rolls back.
Currently he is further forward than where he was last year but it has taken so much of my effort that I am exhausted. I've tried looking after myself physically and mentally to face this task but I feel I am on my own. Friends and family ask me how the rock is doing, but they don't ask the rock. It's like I'm responsible for him and for his failure to progress.
I'm also embarrassed by the rock, it's like the elephant in the room that no one talks about. A huge visible/invisible problem.
I give the rock time to work things out for himself. I hit my head against the rock, I bite my tongue
I try leaving the rock so the rock can figure out his own route but he just stays there
I'm afraid if I try dynamite or other big guns to try to move the rock forward that the rock will crumble to pieces, or roll back
I'm afraid if I crumple the rock will fall.
As the rock is not a danger to himself or others GP and/or other services will not help.
Occasionally I cry/scream for help and hubby helps push or take some of the weight but this lasts only a short term as the rock appears much smaller to him, and he doesn't see the scale of the problem.
I dont want the rock to be in my house for all my life. The rock says he doesnt want to be here forever, but does very little to move himself forward. Yes he's applying for jobs but doing nothing to get the qualifications or experience that would actually mean he might get offered work.
I dont understand the rock,. Inside he is intelligent, loving, handsome so why is he here hiding from the world? He makes crap decisions and has very low self esteem, and anxiety hidden inside an overconfudant shell. Why is he a stuck rock rather then being whatever he could be?
Having been poorly I let my guard down today and said how I felt. I cried about how sad and frustrated I am that he won't learn and move forward. I asked him to go back to counselling. I was majority distressed and still am.
The rock said nothing, absolutely nothing, the rock is still there. Now I'm worried he will roll back a bit
Well after over a year of thinking I was balancing on a tightrope while walking on eggshells, I've today realised what I am actually doing is pushing a huge very heavy and very stubborn rock up a hill.
The aim has been to stop the rock rolling back down and settling at the bottom where no one else sees it or is concerned about it.
But that rock is my son and I cannot bear to see him stuck, or rolling back to the bottom.
I have tried encouraging, cajoling and praising and sometimes the rock has moved forward, not much but a little. But everyday to keep it in place or stop it falling back I have to use all my energy and wits and it gets very very tiring.
Sometimes we progress. Mostly we don't. Because the rock doesn't see he has a problem and that he should be at least be taking his own weight and then moving forward to join the real human world. The rock doesn't see that doing nothing means he stays stuck or rolls back.
Currently he is further forward than where he was last year but it has taken so much of my effort that I am exhausted. I've tried looking after myself physically and mentally to face this task but I feel I am on my own. Friends and family ask me how the rock is doing, but they don't ask the rock. It's like I'm responsible for him and for his failure to progress.
I'm also embarrassed by the rock, it's like the elephant in the room that no one talks about. A huge visible/invisible problem.
I give the rock time to work things out for himself. I hit my head against the rock, I bite my tongue
I try leaving the rock so the rock can figure out his own route but he just stays there
I'm afraid if I try dynamite or other big guns to try to move the rock forward that the rock will crumble to pieces, or roll back
I'm afraid if I crumple the rock will fall.
As the rock is not a danger to himself or others GP and/or other services will not help.
Occasionally I cry/scream for help and hubby helps push or take some of the weight but this lasts only a short term as the rock appears much smaller to him, and he doesn't see the scale of the problem.
I dont want the rock to be in my house for all my life. The rock says he doesnt want to be here forever, but does very little to move himself forward. Yes he's applying for jobs but doing nothing to get the qualifications or experience that would actually mean he might get offered work.
I dont understand the rock,. Inside he is intelligent, loving, handsome so why is he here hiding from the world? He makes crap decisions and has very low self esteem, and anxiety hidden inside an overconfudant shell. Why is he a stuck rock rather then being whatever he could be?
Having been poorly I let my guard down today and said how I felt. I cried about how sad and frustrated I am that he won't learn and move forward. I asked him to go back to counselling. I was majority distressed and still am.
The rock said nothing, absolutely nothing, the rock is still there. Now I'm worried he will roll back a bit
