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Life on hold whilst husband sectioned - Carers UK Forum

Life on hold whilst husband sectioned

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
I know many of you reading this will tell me or at least think it, but I know you may say get out there, start living your own life whilst husband in hospital, do stuff you enjoy etc. But i cant! Please don't think I am some weak willed person, cos I'm really not. Most folks tell me they don't know how I'm coping, and right now at end a working week, I'd say I'm not!
Currently I work full time in housing in a local authority, it's a fairly stressful job, I speak to desperate folks daily. Then at the end of each day, week I come home to my own Hell Hell!
My husband is detained he's horrendous to me, speaking to me as if I'm dirt. He's recently had meds change, no effect yet. Any, limited contact is brief, either when I drop items to ward or during brief phone calls. I've had his mobile cut off due to high spending and abuse. 6 weeks in now and no improvement to behaviour.
I'm worn out. Due to him not accept best meds possible for illness he could be there all summer. We've no relationship just now, indeed I go through ever emotion possible for him in one day. I've no energy at weekends to do anything other than be alon, finding I need my own space to build up for next week and Work Work. I live aloalone, have friends who support but mainly leisure time alone.
Tonight I rang him and again horrible to me, feel like crying for the man I've lost and the life I've been deprived of. We're keen hill walkers, summer is almost here; we've waited all winter for this, we should be training for our almost 3 weeks holiday in Scotland which I've cancelled. This weekend instead of walking I'll do gardening and jobs in house plus relax. I miss my husband, I want my life back..
Sorry i sound so sad, but I am... Xx
Trigpoint I don't think you're weak willed at all. You're going through a traumatic and draining experience, everything familiar and comforting has been stood on its head, you've lost your husband's support. It sounds to me like you're grieving, and it's entirely understandable that you should just want to withdraw for now. I'm so sorry about your holiday, too. Please keep using the forum and let people's messages sustain you.
Trigpoint, I quite understand, but then I'm a long term carer. The best thing you can do right now is to look after yourself as best you can. Very few people (carers excepted) understand just how tiring it can be to have a relative in hospital long term, and how there is a sort of "hangover" period afterwards. It's a real shame about your holiday, walking together can be so good, time to talk about anything and everything. We were known as "the couple who walk" by various people in the area on our standard evening route, before my husband died suddenly. Is there any chance of you taking a couple of days away from home? Late rooms often have really good deals on Sunday and Monday nights, just to keep bed occupancy up. Have you seen a "Holiday Fellowship" brochure? They do walking holidays, but they are not cheap, might help blow a few cobwebs away? Accept that it's no good planning anything other than last minute, this year, just grasp any opportunity to do something which makes you feel physically better and takes your mind off things.
Thank you for your posts, which did and do help me. In the end Saturday was horrendous more abusive phone calls and threats regarding him stopping benefits so I'd struggle financially; today I've contacted DWP who sending me form about appointeeship. Then I'm better place to manage finances. He's once again not listen to me on phone cutting me off when tried broach subject of mens. His brother says I shouldn't keep dropping stuff ward for him, it's not everyday just couple times week, but can't just ignore him. Ward staff do support me with my questions and issues when ring.
Working today was a struggle but I got through and one small glimmer of hope is he's started to be a little more pleasant on ward, not to me though and he will have first full dose of his depot this week. Totally trial and error if works at all.. Fingers crossed as test dose seems to have been ok, which had last Thursday. Thanks again. X :-???
Hi Trigpoint, good to hear you are going to apply to be appointee. The money will need to be paid into an account in your name. If you don't have one already, might be worth setting it up now, so that you can give the DWP the account details on the form. Good to hear staff are supporting you.
Yes the appointeeship seems a betrayal to him, he's not well enough for the time being to manage finances. The staff said yesterday he's calmer, not so with me though. Won't hear from him today though. On we go another day. Xx
Hugs Trig - I empathise greatly. I am pretty sure that seeing psychotic disorders in our loved ones does put us in to some kind of bereavement for the losing the person we once had. I feel like I have lost my son and at the end of some some days I just sit and weep. I think it is a normal part of a coping strategy we form. The only thing I really have to compare it to is the loss of my dad, and I know it took me about 8-10 weeks to get out of solitary mode and even consider trying to function anywhere close to where I had on a social/outgoing level. Don't put yourself down for feeling this way - we understand and are here xx
Thanks for all support. I've spoken to him yesterday and if he doesn't get what he wants, more abuse. He's asked for a basic phone then I bought one, not good enough wants an smart phone. This man's plotting something I'm sure as only ever goes on net when unwell. I've told ward manager I'm buying no phone or giving him money, as he just gives to other patients to buy him a Phone As he no ward leave due allegations made against staff. He's a nightmare. Anyway I'm answering no more phone calls from him.
I think that is wise - cutting contact that only distresses you, and gives him a channel for his aggression towards you (even if that is 'only' because of his illness, it is not something you should endure), must be a sensible move.

It does seem, to my very untutored eye, from what you say that being able to communicate with you is only 'enraging' him, and distressing you.

I do hope that with time, and treatment, and being in hospital, your husband's state of mind can eventually improve, but until that happens, your priority is yourself. You know he is in a safe place, that you could not cope with him not being there, and that while he is there that is the best thing possible in a very, very difficult and painful situation.

Kind regards at such a stressful time, Jenny
thank you Jenny very kind sensible words. Fingers crossed I think the phone is being removed following a complaint to the management as I'm worn out with it. So glad weekend and hopefully can have some peace. X