Partner with depression and I'm struggling to cope

[JJ_1607]

Hi,

I'm new here but hoping it can help me as I'm starting to really struggle. Sorry for the long post! My partner has severe depression and personally I think it's something else undiagnosed but our health team are utterly useless in every way.

It's been 8 years and he's had endless cbt (one on one and group) numerous different types of anti depressants, home visits every day from the local crisis team, and 12weeks of talking therapy as that's all our NHS trust will provide.

I feel like they don't see what I see. They are usually able to talk him down and keep him calm for the hour a week or 20 minutes a day they might see him.

We don't have much money so I work full time and feel awful when I have to leave him to go to work. On an ok day he says I shouldn't and I know I shouldn't but it's another story when it's 8am again.

I'm reaching the end of my tether. He is right - it feels like there's nothing else to try. He's so negative all the time and I'm just not that sort of person. I feel awful and so selfish for even thinking like this. I know he can't help it but if I ask him to leave he will have no one and no where to go. He hates where we live and doesn't seem to realise the reason we can't afford to move is him. I feel like I'm making things worse at this point. We used to have some good times that made up for these times and made it easier to comfort him. Now these are few and far between and I am well aware that it's fake.

He does love me and I want to help him and want to be better at helping him. We can't afford private cou selling or private residential care and the doctors don't seem to think that he is serious enough to be hospitalised under the NHS because they don't always see what I do! I've had to take knives away, talk him down from suicide and monitor him. How serious do they need it to be. There's no carer support groups in the area and as we stopped going out I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to.

I hold so much in because I know it's. It going to help him if I pressure him - I've tried tough love. I get that he can't help this but I don't get why there's no other options.

If anyone has any ideas at this point, I would be most grateful.

Thanks
JJ

[bowlingbun]

Have you asked Social Services for a Carers Assessment?

[JJ_1607]

No, i didn't know that was an option. I will look to get in touch Monday. Thank you

[Fig]

OMG, You described my experience of caring for my husband.
I know exactly what you're going through and it is horrible!

[Sometimes]

Hi. I recognise this struggle from caring for my wife.
Insist on being in any meetings unless specifically excluded.
If you are excluded insist on knowing exactly what the current plans are, as he may not tell you or remember.
Make sure you tell them what behaviour you see, and how upset you are.
Ask if a change in medication will help.
Try not to give in to unreasonable demands.
All very easy to say, I know, but bloody hard to stick to.

[Elizabeth_170112]

I understand your struggles and how a dramatic change to u and your patners lifes .i look after my sister in law .and she can say some hurtful things .you are worried when you are away from them i understand .try talking to the crisis team about your worries .and what u think might help your patner