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Partner has Anxiety and Depression - Carers UK Forum

Partner has Anxiety and Depression

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Hi,
My partner has recently told me he suffers with anxiety and possible depression. That he gets to the point of shouting and screaming at loved ones and wants to hit/break things. He feels it has come back and slowly getting worse again. But said he is going to go get help from work to set it all up. When he told me he held his head in his hands and wouldn't look at me.
I cried when he told me I couldn't help it and I felt guilty and was lost for words.

Before he told me anything he was blowing hot and cold, so I asked what's wrong and what's different as I'm worried. But we had a lovely Christmas eve and new year eve together and he turned round out the blue and told me that he really does love me and we spoke about our future, we were happy and laughing like always. Then suddenly within days everything has changed.

We dont live together and have our own life jobs. We're both single parents. So we only get to see one another once a week so most of our interactions are over text which is really hard for me.

So when he finally told me what was happening, I finally understood and it explained stuff, why somedays he'd be completely off with me and just shout babe at me...etc.

I told him I love him and I want to support him through it all.

But then the next thing he turns around and tells me "he loves me, but he doesnt think he is in love with me now but he also said that we aren't breaking up. He doesn't want to hurt me and asked for time" (what does that actually mean? What does that mean for our relationship?) Was hard to hear but I respected it.

The day after, he seemed annoyed with me, no longer wants to talk to me, see me and is pushing me away. I've accepted that he wants some time/space and I respect that.

But how can I be there for him and support him if he wont allow me??
I'm currently scared to message incase it triggers him more. He is the kind of person if you dont contact him, he'd never contact you to let you know, obviously I want to ask him how he is doing but I'm giving him time.

Everything he said about how he felt, I'd been there myself when my little boy had cancer and i kept my thoughts to myself because I felt embarrassed but I managed and started feeling like myself again, I knew I have my parents but most of all my son helped without even knowing it. I like to have time to myself but I'm also the personthat I wants the one I love to just hug me and sit in silence together, relax.

I've sat up the past couple nights just crying and losing sleep. Trying to keep my own doubts away from pulling me back down. The other day I didnt want leave the house and couldn't eat but i made myself to just get on with my life.

All this makes me feel guilty as I feel like I'm making it about myself.

I'm so confused with we have a future to a matter of day, he doesn't think he is in love with me.

I see the person I'm in love with suffering and I cant do anything to help and feel lost for him.

How can I tell him I'm here anytime of day/night just call, if he wont listen or even open my messsges. I'm giving him the week or longer and hoping to be allowed to ask how he is doing?

I have so many questions and things I want to say to him but I'm to scared.

How can I help him with support? What I can I say and do without making things worse?
Is there a chance we can both get through it and become stronger, be 'us' again after?
But then is it his Anxiety and depression that's stopped his love suddenly?
I'm really worried and confused and dont want to lose him.
I cant imagine not been with him, his my one.

Sorry for the long message and possibly repeating myself. Not sure if this is the right place to post.
Just feeling really lost and confused.

Any helpful advice, I'd would be very grateful.

Thank
Welcome to the forum.

I'm not an expert in mental health, but I'm concerned at what you might be getting into. I'd suggest staying in your own homes, meeting up as and when, so that he doesn't feel any pressure. Whether or not you feel this is going to work out long term is a decision only you can make. I wonder why he split up from his children's mother??
Hi,
My partner has recently told me he suffers with anxiety and possible depression
.

Do you think this statement is a get me out clause or is a warning.

I think you need to delve deeper and ask many more questions.
sunnydisposition wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 5:37 pm

I think you need to delve deeper and ask many more questions.


Thanks for replying, what else can I ask?
I'm giving him some time like he has asked for now.
Your relationship must not become "all about him". What is he doing to help himself get through this?
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-sup ... hZf-Ef7TIU

from web site

Ask about their experience. You could ask them how anxiety affects their day-to-day life, and what makes it better or worse. Listening to their experience could help you to empathise with how they feel.

From me

Get a fuller picture when it's at is worst what happens. What support is needed. Being informed is forewarned. So you know when to seek advice.

This can be a life long health issue which has many changers over time. For better and for worse. If you provide a level of commitment and thing become too much at a later date. And want to walk away. This can cause and create a detrimental effect for the individual..
bowlingbun wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 10:56 pm
Your relationship must not become "all about him". What is he doing to help himself get through this?
He has said he is going back to counselling, which I'm happy to hear and encouraged him to book in soon and not too leave it to long.

I said I'm also here for him any time of day and night he just needs to call and communicate with me. He's asked for time and space which I am respecting, but feel like he is pushing me away, before letting me be there for him and supporting him.