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Advice on caring for my wife - Carers UK Forum

Advice on caring for my wife

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Hi, I'm new to this forum. I've been caring for my wife, who has severe depression, anxiety and OCD, for almost a year now. She is unresponsive to treatment and I'm now having to accept that she may remain in this state for a long time. I've had to cut my working hours in order to care for her, but this can't continue much longer without me losing my job. She doesn't seem to make any effort to recover and can be a very difficult patient. She has threatened suicide but not carried through on an attempt yet, primarily because I've always been able to stop her. Now she is turning dishonest and manipulative; her condition has destroyed our family life and I'm at the point where I'm considering all options to try aleviate the situation.
I need to find somewhere that can care for her weekdays, so I can work. I have a good job and, provided I don't lose it, I am able to pay. When I look for mental health care homes, all I find are those for elderly people (she is 54).
Any suggestions or advice gratefully received.
Hi & welcome

Sorry to read your difficult situation.
I would suggest you make contact with a local carers group. Who usually have experienced and knowledge staff and carers. Who could give you support you don't have to attend a group. But you could be linked up with someone who could provide a listening ear. Local carers groups have information on practically everything to do with caring and can help signpost you in your area. You must retain your employment not just for income but sanity. Do speak again to your HR dept as they have a duty of care in the work place to support you. As you have already reduce your current hours I assume they are aware of your situation. Mental heath services are struggling at the moment across the country. So it will be difficult to find somewhere that would cater for 5 days a week. Have you considered a day carer/s from an agency. It might be possible to have some respite day care from social services. But I very much doubt they would consider 5 days a week. You would need a carers assessment and if possible a needs assessment for your wife.

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... t/[u]needs[/u]-assessment
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... /[u]carers[/u]-assessment
unresponsive to treatment

Can you clarify : unwilling to participate / except help. Or subscribed medication has no effect. For some people It can take months/years to find the right suitable medication.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/
https://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/local-minds/
For years, depression was only handled with prescriptions for pills. Millions of people across the world were hooked on diazepam, my mother among them. Nowadays, it's recommended that counselling is used alongside medication, but even then not everyone is offered it or takes it up. And there are those who don't respond well to it. It may be worth talking to the GP or if your wife is in contact with secondary mental health services, it may be worth talking to them about other treatment options.

Depression is a big demotivator and it's self-perpetuating without help. People can get locked into a depressive cycle with no way out that they can see. so looking for help is a reasonable step.

Otherwise I'd go with what Sunnydisposition suggested.
ploppy_2207123 wrote:
Sun Jul 10, 2022 6:43 pm
Hi, I'm new to this forum. I've been caring for my wife, who has severe depression, anxiety and OCD, for almost a year now. She is unresponsive to treatment and I'm now having to accept that she may remain in this state for a long time. I've had to cut my working hours in order to care for her, but this can't continue much longer without me losing my job. She doesn't seem to make any effort to recover and can be a very difficult patient. She has threatened suicide but not carried through on an attempt yet, primarily because I've always been able to stop her. Now she is turning dishonest and manipulative; her condition has destroyed our family life and I'm at the point where I'm considering all options to try aleviate the situation.
I need to find somewhere that can care for her weekdays, so I can work. I have a good job and, provided I don't lose it, I am able to pay. When I look for mental health care homes, all I find are those for elderly people (she is 54).
Any suggestions or advice gratefully received.
Any update OP. Also think about day care schemes instead. You need to get a needs assessment done pronto so that you can find another way of supporting her to help her in order to take charge of her life.