New member Pat

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Pat, it's always painful to see a child screw up their lives 'wilfully' so to speak, however old they are.

Why not write her a letter, putting down a summary of your feelings, and you hopes, and ending by sayin something along the lines of

'I can see I am NOT helping you, despite my best hopes and efforts, so I think it is time to give you space to yourself, to deal with your problems in your own way. I will ALWAYS love you, and you will ALWAYS be my dearest daughter, but I do see now that I am only making things worse for you, which is the last thing I want.

I hope with all my heart you find your own way forward, that works for YOU, and if at any time you want to be closer to me again, I am here for you. But while things are as they are, they are causing pain to both of us, and each of us is hurting the other, and I don't want that, and I'm sure you don't either.

So, for now, I am backing off, and letting you get on with your own life, in your own way.

Your loving mum, Mum.'

(It is important you withdraw ALL help from her, especially the practical ones such as giving her lifts. She can't just use you for the things she wants, yet go on dissing you and insulting you, etc etc. So you DO need to 'cut contact' while her attitude to her remains as toxic and destructive and self-obsessed as it is.)
Once you've cut contact, it would be a good idea for you to get counselling for YOURSELF, to make it easier for you to come to terms with the situation, and put your mind at ease.

Then think of some fun things for yourself, and nice things to do with friends, etc. You desrve a break from all this 'storm and stress' that your daughter is creating - she's like a whirlpool of misery sucking everyone down with her. You need to steer free, and find some enjoyment in life for YOURSELF.

Wishing you all the vry best - KR, J