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New here- carer for husband with dissociative depression - Carers UK Forum

New here- carer for husband with dissociative depression

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Hi Everyone
I'm new here. I actually only learnt today I'm considered a carer! My husband was diagnosed with dissociative depression a few months ago. He has had counselling and is now having psychotherapy. He has suffered with mental health conditions since childhood. This episode has hit me so hard. He is completely dissociated and feels no emotions at all. He looks through me, when before he looked at me like I was the most amazing thing in the world. There are no hugs, kisses or affection of any type because he says he feels nothing. I feel so very alone and unattractive. I started CBT a week ago as I'm having panic attacks everyday and feel so lost/helpless. I want to help him but don't know how....... sorry for the rambling. ❤
First thing is not to take anything he says or does personally, it's all part of his illness. So he doesnt look at you, that's just a symptom it's not personal or intended. Sounds like he's done well to get help so let him and the professionals deal with him. Any mental health issue is a long haul so your priority is to look after you -that's physically, mentally and emotionally . You'll waste your energy and breath trying to help him, only he and the professional can do that. You can only support, not change or heal him.
CBT is a good start , as is joining here. :)
Be kind to yourself while the shock of his diagnosis sinks in and concentrate on getting yourself on an even keel and your self confidence up

Thank you for replying.
I'm trying my best to look after myself. It has been a big shock to the system. My counsellor suggested finding a support group and I found this one on the Mind website. I keep telling myself it's not him it's the illness, but it's really hard not getting anything back from him at all. He told me he puts on a front for our friends, families and his work so when he comes home he doesn't want to have any conversation or interaction. I feel like I'm grieving for my Husband but he is still here. I just want him back so much.
Of course you do, but it's going to take a long long time so meanwhile concentrate on you. Build a part of your life that has nothing to do with home or hubby and gets you out and about.
For example I go to a dance class a few times a week and love it. No one there knows of my home troubles, I get exercise and reduced stress as a result. I'm so busy trying not to fall over my own feet that I can't think of anything else :D
I know the list of things carers need to do to look after themselves seems daunting and long, but they are all needed and are vital, especially in mental health cases as it goes on so long, often lifelong:
Healthy eating
Social life
Work ( for self esteem and money)
Daily fresh air

There's probably more but I gave to go out now

I realise it was a while ago that you posted but how are you getting on now?

How you described how your husband is / was with you is exactly what my husband is like with me - on a good day he is just neutral / disinterested and on a bad one he is aggressive and angry towards me.

I have been telling myself it is his illness and not personal but it gets harder and harder each day / week / month that passes

I hope you managed to make some progress in your situation