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Need advice - caring for a depressed BF - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Need advice - caring for a depressed BF

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Sally, counselling can teach you "coping strategies". Maybe like walking away when he is shouting. My disabled mum expected me to do everything she couldn't do, completely forgetting that I too was disabled and my son had severe learning difficulties. Counselling taught me that whilst I couldn't change mum, I could change how I responded to her demands, by managing them better.
From what you've said Sally it sounds more like borderline personality disorder, my wife has it and it is tipified by periods of really good, happy, loving personality which can almost instantly change to blind rage for no apparent reason. Which can involve verbal and physical assaults. I went to see my wife at the hospital yesterday and took her out for a few hours and she was brilliant all day then when it came to her returning to the unit she became quite childish, argumentitive and violent which ended up with her punching me square in the chest (which really hurt as I have a busted rib).

When you saying lashing out what do you mean?

It also sounds like you have become codependant which means you will literally let them walk all over you and do what ever it takes in vain attempts to make them happy and feel it is in some way your fault if they aren't.
Hi Sally

Firstly welcome. I am sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time, but that does seem to be the reason so many of us congregate together on here - the course of caring never does seem to run smooth :roll:

None of us are superheroes, none of us have secret powers or special tricks to help us cope, we pretty much all just muddle through. And it is OK to not be OK sometimes - none of us can be at 100% all of the time. From personal experience, I think one of the most important things you can learn to empower you as a carer to someone with a MH problem is not to beat yourself up about the situation and things you cannot anticipate or control. Every now and then you are going to get things wrong - say the wrong thing at the wrong time, overestimate your caree's capacity to cope with something and underestimate what they really are capable of. Don't turn these things into a bat to beat yourself with. Just learn to use your experiences, good and bad, to pick a better path through.

Chatting on here really does help. We all come from different backgrounds and can all offer you ideas of how we have managed to stay afloat, and some, but not all of these things will work for you and your bf. The fact that you have even asked for advice shows that you are strong and a caring person, so have confidence that you can and will survive this tough time.

(((Hugs))) Steph x