Carers UK Forum

He hasn't actually seen any of the other residents yet as they are all in their own flats no shared amenities. He does want to meet them so I don't think it's that. I think it's the voices and paranoia mainly and now if he has smashed his phone it's going to be a million times worse as all his music is on his phone and he has no way of contacting anyone even the support workers in an emergency its making me feel physically sick to be honest

Debra, if you talk to the support workers, I wonder whether they could give you any reassurance that your son's reaction is not that unusual, and that they have 'seen it all before', and that things may have now come to a head/peaked, and he may be 'coming down' again???

Does he have any other web-gizmo at all (eg, notepad, whatever) because I'm wondering whether YOU could send him some of the links to his fave music (assuming you have the faintest idea what it is - I have almost none for my own son!), which might both possibly give him a little of his music back AND possibly be a kind of 'olive branch' from you in a way???

I think, again, with very little actual knowledge, that the music selections are stored 'online' in your account 'up there' so it could be possible for them simply to be downloaded again to a new playing device, eg new phone.

Do you fear he may have skimped on his meds, if the voices and so on are 'getting through' again?????

I DO hope things improve for you and I feel for you in your fear for you son at this very troubling and frightening time.

Hoping things turn a (good) corner for him soon - kindest wishes, Jenny

Well a turn up for the books my ex husband went to visit my son this afternoon and persuaded him to ring me on his phone ! I was so pleased to hear his voice so I could reassure him. I went to visit this evening and we had a long talk we went for a short walk and we cracked on with his cleaning so a very productive visit. My husband found him an old smart phone so he has put his sim card in that and has his music and contacts back . The only negative is that as well as smashing up his phone he has also caused quite bad damage to an internal door following which he took himself to a and e as he was so stressed. He is now panicking in case the support team ask him to leave and so am I now

Debra,
On a plus side HE took HIMSELF to A & E because he was so stressed - this is a massive step forward.

He needs to report the damage to the door and agree to pay for its repair/ replacement in instalments. This will show the Supported Living staff that he is taking responsibility for his actions.

Melly1

PS I think it is worth him having a cheap pay-as-you-go type back up phone for emergencies.

Thanks melly good advice I'll get him to report it he I seriously doing my head in today and it's only on here I can say it ! We arranged to take him to aldi for his shopping we only had a small window in which to do this as my husband leaves for work at 3 he was asleep when we got there and insisted on having a shower a brew and a cig before leaving and has acted like a spoilt child slamming the car door speaking to me like crap he has now come back home to chill before his therapy which he doesn't think he is going to anyway so another wonderful evening (sigh)

Sorry to hear there's been another 'dip'. I suspect that 'rushing' (ie, precise time frames/limits') might feel 'threatening' to him??? Or a 'control' issue maybe? or just 'challenging' you? (Sorry I'm only chucking in 'possible possibles' from a very lay point of view.....)

But on the bigger issue of the meltdown and phone smashing and door damage, I agree with Melly that it sounds GOOD that (a) he got himself to A and E and (b) he's worrying he might be chucked out. That DOES show signs of responsibility and 'reasonableness' (ie, seeing the world as the mass of the population see it), so that must surely be good.

I quite agree he needs to report the damage, apologise and make plans to restitute. I dare say, though, that, to be honest, they are quite used to 'erratic' behaviour, especially perhaps at the outset of a new resident getting used to more independent living, and hopefully it is a 'one off'.

I DO hope things can head 'upwards' overall, even if there a slips and dips along the way. It's a new journey for him, and, as I say, living independently is daunting for ANY young adult, let alone one who has such challenges in his life because of his fragile mental state.

It's great your ex rose to the occasion, and perhaps that could be come a habit now for him??!! Do hope so.

Hope today is easier and less fretful and fearful for you - kindest wishes as ever, Jenny

PS - glad he's got his music back! It does seem to be a vitally important part of their lives!!!!

I'll be brief, just home from holiday, lots to do. If your son needs help with shopping IT'S NOT YOUR JOB.
Make a list of everything you seem to be expected to do for him in the next 7 days, then go back to Social Services and tell them he needs more support than he's getting. I suspect that they just don't realise (as they didn't with my son).