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Need a rant - Carers UK Forum

Need a rant

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Sorry people I don't particularly need advice I just need to rant. My son is pacing up and down stressing at the voices he can hear in his head. I have offered to talk to take him to hospital and to phone the crisis Team all of which he has refused. He has now taken to verbally attacking me it's all my fault apparently and when I try to reason with him he mimics my voice which is infuriating. Why is it ok for him to let off steam to me and treat me like this when all I have done is try and help. He keeps saying I will be sorry when he has killed himself which is obviously an understatement but what can I do when he won't accept help
Hi Debra
Just to say I am listening.
I don't have much experience but rather than offering suggestions to him, can you not ask him what he needs or wants you to do?
Rant away, that's why we are here
Hi Debra
Sorry to hear you are going through it again.
I don't know what to advise really but do you feel safe?
Thanks for listening I feel physically safe but emotionally drained. I was so upset at the things he was saying I rang my brother to collect me. Now I'm back home and trying to cook tea at this time with my son crying and saying I don't care because I didn't come home from my brothers the minute he rang me. I actually feel like I don't care which I find shocking but my husband is now angry with me as I won't ask him to leave . I really don't know where to go from here
Is your husband with you? Where would your son go if you did ask him to leave?
Oh Dear I haven't an answer I'm afraid. Emergency services?
You have been a difficult emotional situation so it's quite normal to feel numb, or not recognise one's feelings.
You did the right thing removing yourself from a frightening situation and You tell your son you will do the same again if he behaves that way to you again.
Tell him get his own tea.
Tell your husband what you need from him. I don't think anger and criticism will be on that list.
I don't know what else to say, except hope the morning brings a calmer day
Hi just an update. Had a long talk with my son when he calmed down and explained that although he is struggling with his voices it's not acceptable to make me feel bad when I'm trying to help. He has apologised and is much calmer. Also had a talk with hubby and explained that asking my son to leave when he is having a crisis is not a good move. If my son had any other conditions like diabetes and it became unstable no one would be telling me to make him leave the house so why should it be different because it's a mental health condition? I swear sometimes I think I'm living g in a different world to my friends and family. At the moment I feel ganged up on as they are telling me to kick my son out of the house when he is threatening to kill himself! Do they not realise this could push him over the edge and if something bad happened I would never forgive them but most of all I would never forgive myself for letting them influence me . I feel so alone at the moment
Hi Debra
Thanks for the update. It's so worrying when we know someone is going through a crisis and there is nothing practical or immediate we can do.

So glad to hear it is calmer and you've been able to talk it through a bit.

I wish I had answers for you. All I know is that it does seem that young male mh sufferers take it out on their mothers more than anyone else. Other (male) family members seem to have lower tolerance and compassion levels. I'm generalizing madly of course but just wanted you to know you are not the only one in this position.
Perhaps an adjustment of his medication would calm the voices?
Hello Mrs Average. I have tried to send you a private message but it wouldn't send. Maybe I'm too new a member.
Christine _1608 wrote:Hello Mrs Average. I have tried to send you a private message but it wouldn't send. Maybe I'm too new a member.
Hi Christine - if you can tell me what the problem is I can probably help you solve it !
If it's just that the pm to MrsA is till appearing in your "outbox" that just means that MrsA hasn't opened it yet; pm's don't transfer to the "sent messages" section until they have been opened/read :)