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Narcissist Mother- maybe? - Carers UK Forum

Narcissist Mother- maybe?

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.

Im new on here, im just hoping to find someone who knows or has experienced similar things to me- this situation is about my mum- someone who ive been very close too, as an only child ive been her life and she has been mine, but its getting to the point now where i am stuggling how to deal or cope- her behaviour is abnormal to me, she has always taken me away on holidays and bought me nice things but she has huge problems with me getting close to people especially boyfriends she causes problems that are not there she has caused problems with my current partner and his family- she is very different to me and very fiery, confident and says exactly what she thinks, i have always done everything for her in respect of being her companion with a snap of a finger or taken her on days/evening outs, she has always said we are more like best friends, she has a partner but her relationship hasnt progressed infact past relationships have never worked out, but now its becoming so much that she is causing me so much distress becuase my life is taking a different path to hers, i want to settle down and get a house with partner but she isnt behind me at all she offers no encouragement unless she is involved in someting she kicks off its left me being a bag of nerves and dealing with low mood/ anxiety...i feel i have to do everything she wants or its war.. i only wish i had siblings to share this with but i dont-she is my mother who i love dearly but she is taking over and potentially ruining my life- ive been reading up on narcissist and she seems to have afew of these traits..any advice would be greatley received
Emma welcome,

You should know that the forum's main site offers an advice line reachable by telephone/email which may be helpful for you here - https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/talk-to-us

What a mess :(

Respectfully, going by your post, between your mothers controlling, manipulative and generally negative demeanour, paired with your desire to be able to live your own life, as is your right I would disagree in one part of your post, which is that she is not "potentially" ruining your life, she IS ruining it, plain and simple. You are not your mothers personal servant.

Best question is usually the one we're afraid to ask, but know its needs answering ;

Do you wish to continue to be a carer for mum?

Following from that.

Are you fully aware of the level of support available to you both (financial and practical) and if so, are you taking advantage of it? I didn't see mention of mum having carers.. it sounds like she needs them, so why is she refusing them?

To a lesser extent.. where on earth is your mothers "partner" in all of this?

On a side note.. you know you are most welcome to post in the introduction part of the forum, it does see more "traffic" and there will be others that have gone through this, alternatively if you are comfortable with doing so, you can always ask a moderator to kindly move the thread over there. Entirely your choice though!

Its a little late in the day but others will spot this soon,

Best wishes