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My Son - Carers UK Forum

My Son

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
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I don't quite know how to start to tell this story. Many of you know that my son suffers with schizophrenia and has tried to take his own life many times. It's a wonder that his body still works, but no significant damage seems to have been done.
This weekend was the last straw! I understand that he has a rough time; he hears voices continually, and they are saying some horrid things that my poor son doesn't want to hear. So it must be impossible for him. Having said that, he has his family's support, and I am always on call for him. We love him dearly, even though his illness causes us all heartache.
Unfortunately, he doesn't get along well with my partner, which doesn't help my life to be particularly easy. So, as my partner was away this weekend, he stayed overnight on the Friday. He was very down, much more than normal, and didn't want to talk. I thought no more of it and he finished the weekend at his Father's.
Later his father phoned me up to say that Luke had taken some mercury. MERCURY??? we thought he was making it up, after all, where would he have got it from? Even so, I was worried and phoned the Unit. He admitted it, and said that he had got it from our shed. An old thermometre? I don't know. This is after last time, when he took MY tablets and took them all.
I love him so much, but feel that I just can't trust him any more and feel that he's abused my love, support and everything else my partner and I do for him. The worse thing is that my partner has now told him that he's not welcome around here any more. Luckily at A&E they told him that the way he took it (drinking) means it would go straight through him. I'm not sure if I entirely believe that.
My head is a mess and don't know what to think or do. Do I leave him alone? Get in touch?....I've spoken to staff and told them that I have had enough of it all.
They've swapped his medication around so much, he must have tried everything in the book, and has had around five different doctors so far.
Thanks for reading - I just feel so hopeless and useless - all my caring hasn't done a thing for my son and obviously means nothing to him.
I love him so much, but feel that I just can't trust him any more and feel that he's abused my love, support and everything else my partner and I do for him.
I am sorry to hear you are having difficult time...But I really do not think that your son has abused you love & support. Unfortunately, it is the mental ill health condition. I know how hard to deal with but it is what mentally ill people have to go through for their life - it is not who / what they are. I am sure you know it - just it is very difficult to think at the moment.

The worse thing is that my partner has now told him that he's not welcome around here any more.
I hope all of you can find a good solution for it. I personally think it is not the best idea to break up any family environment. Are you all getting support "togather" how to work for this problem from the menal health team?

What helped me and my husband to keep our relationship reasonable:
* I allow myself to be on & off to learn and get involved in AMH - it is hard enough but I do not wish to give up.
* Made managerable boundaries for all the parties can agree and stick with.

Not very long time agao, we were very shacky due to family matters. We (my husband and I) get on well but it has been tough to live with the illness. There are additional stress on me because my mum-in-law does not want to or wish to understand about mental illness at all but she just wants to see her son regularly (once a week!)

Hope you will feel better soon.

Take care.
I just feel so hopeless and useless - all my caring hasn't done a thing for my son and obviously means nothing to him.
Pamela - please give yourself some credit - your son would not still be here today if it wasn't for you and your caring. You are certainly not hopeless or useless; just a loving mother who is overwhelmed by the fact that there is little that you can do for Luke except to go on loving him because he is your son.

Because of Luke's illness he cannot appreciate all you do; but in some corner of his mind I'm sure he knows that you love and care for him deeply.

What to do about the situation ? - I can't advise you but as I've said to others, have you tried Samaritans ? They are not there just to help people contemplating suicide, but for anyone going through a stressful time and perhaps talking it over with someone else might help to clarify your own thinking.

((((((hugs)))))))

susieq
Like the others have said, Pamela, your son isn't in any position to either appreciate your help or throw it back in your face. He's under the influence of so many things, tablets, his mind, the voices in his head. So many things are telling him so many conflicting things. Yes, you're right, you probably DON'T mean anything to him (and I'm not being cruel or nasty, you know I'm not), it's simply due to his condition, the medication and the things which are out of his control. When I'm being nasty to hubby, he says he knows it's not me, it's just the 'timeoflife hormones' playing silly buggers with my body and mind again. If your son actually KNEW what was going on, understood all the help you give him and all the love you give him, things would be different for all of you. He can't KNOW that, being in the state he's in.
I hope you understand what I'm trying to say, it's not his fault he doesn't appreciate you or recognise your actions. You're not Wonderwoman, you're fantastic, but not Wonderwoman - all you can do is give your love and support. Thinking of you, love Fran with BIG HUGS Image Image Image
thankyou all so much for your words - means a lot to me. I have nobody at home I can talk to - my partner just says he's had enough of him and what he does, which just upsets me even more. He also told my son that I didn't want him around here either. Although at the moment, I do feel that way, he had no right to speak for me.
You are all right in what you say - I do really know that it's the illness which makes him act the way he does, but my partner can't realise that. So now I'm torn between the two of them! .......AGAIN. I feel as if I'm being pulled every which way.
I have been in touch with the samaritans before, but afraid I haven't found them very helpful. I'm not knocking them (I can't - I was one at a very early age).
fluffycat - we have had some family work, only a couple of meetings, then one of the staff went off sick and that was that, until recently, when she said that she had found another person to help her and was ready to tell us some dates. The only thing is, I doubt now that my son and partner will actually talk to each other. Your mother in law sounds like some of the people in my family - it's hard to get them to understand mental health issues. Maybe they are just frightened and don't know how to handle the situation?
Susie - thankyou for your support. I'm not quite sure who to turn to for help - but as others have said, I find this is the first place where people will 'listen' to me! and I thank you all for that.
Fran - you are also right in what you say - I realise that when he's not quite so ill, he does know that I love him and support him all the way. It's just that this is the third time he's taken something from our place to try to killhimself with! How many more times can I let him be a risk here? Well, actually that's sorted now by my partner's doings.
I'm still shell shocked and not sure where to go from here - but as someone once advised me 'if you're not sure what to do - do nothing!'.
I think that's what I might just do for a while.
love to you all xxxxx
Hey Pamela, I'm so sad to hear how things are for you. I have no experience to offer you any help, but all I can offer you is love and support and a listening ear when you need it.
Thinking of you and your son and sending you both love,

Bluebird xx
I would suggest speakign to RETHINK- they can understand better than most your situation. you are not alone in this and others have this type of experience - I have not but know of mnay relationships were it has broken down cos of the severity of the illness and whne that involves access to kids etc- the problems between partners and kids etc and the pull that you can feel seems similar to your situation. I dont have this problem but do have moments when I think I cant do this any more and its doign me in and no one should have to deal with this. it was 100% worse when i did nto konw about forums and could chat to others with similar experiences. Hope you get lots of support here! take care
if it wasnt for u you son wouldnt be here,

you are a mum and a carer and its hard, wot do u do for the best and is it the best for u or him and are u being selfish ect ect ect,

your normal and at the end of the day human, there is only so much a human can take,

Im sending u massive hugs

you will do wot is right for both of u ,

how is your georgous puppy doing??
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