Moving on with my life/ son MH

[Jackie _2201]

Hello, not sure if this is where I should post , I’m new to the group.
Myself and my husband have got our 34 year old son back with us after his relationship broke up .( she couldn’t cope with his mental health problems which are long standing
Anyway we had retired and were just starting to move on with our lives.
Now it’s all come crashing down and the atmosphere is bad to say the least . We are trying to support our son but it’s dreadful. He is no longer under the mental health team , long story , but we feel he still should be . He’s unable to keep jobs and often forgets to claim ESA. I don’t want to keep going on but
Please can anyone offer advice ? Would our MP be able to help with the CMHT ? Our son is in the process of registering with a GP nearer us.
Thank you

[bowlingbun]

At your age, it is not good long term for your son to be living with you. He needs to live independently.
It can be a small flat, doesn't have to be a mansion, but YOU have to set the rules about when he is at your place.
I know this sounds tough, but the longer this goes on for, and the older you get, the worse it's going to be to move him out again.

[Ingrid Carers UK]

Hello Jackie
I wanted to wish you a warm welcome to our forum, your current situation sounds difficult and I wondered if you'd thought about coming along to one of our online catch ups. We run a weekly care for a cuppa session every Monday afternoon, its a chance for carers to come together and support and talk to each other. I've added the link for you, many of our carers have said they've found the sessions really useful in terms of talking to someone who understands their situation. Please have a look at the link and sign up if you would like to join us, there's no pressure to share anything you're not comfortable with.
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... ne-meetups
We also run other sessions called Share and Learn on all sorts of topics from learning to dance, coming up in January we have some yoga sessions and an art talk. I've attached the link to these here too
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... e-sessions
We would love to see you there.
with best wishes
Ingrid

[Lol47]

Hello - I really feel for you, we had the same thing with our daughter who’s 28 this year. We had to get her to leave nearly 3 years ago because of her behaviour. She’s diagnosed with BPD amongst others, but because we won’t allow her back to live with us things have deteriorated a lot between us. Sadly I cant give you any answers, but we are standing firm with not letting her move back in. She has a little flat she rents and a job. If we relent I feel very sure she would destroy us. Her sister will not have anything to do with her and hasn’t for 3 years. You must put yourselves first especially at your time of life. I really hope things get sorted for you xx

[Jackie _2201]

Thank you to those of you who replied . Things are really bad at the moment and my husband has given our son 4 weeks to get out of our home. Problem is I feel so guilty as his mental health problems were caused by me , he witnessed my mental health problems, breakdown and suicide attempts when he was little and it’s caused him severe ptsd .
I love my son very much but his behaviour is sometimes monstrous .His psychiatrist discharged him months ago but he has severe nightmares usually about me dying .I’m so frightened he may hurt himself, although he denies suicidal thoughts .
He has no job and is on ESA. Help please .
Thank you

[sunnydisposition]

Jackie yes he is your son but he is now a adult. Yes, he has witnesses things as a child. However, you can't prop him up forever. And at some point in the future he will have to live independently. It's not easy turning any member of a family away. But you and your husband have been enabling your son. I think you should make contact with LA housing depts. in your area. Make some inquiries on available housing options. Have you spoken to Mind UK if not this could be a good place to start.

[Charles_2112]

Jackie, please don't blame yourself.

While your mental health may have caused your son's problems, it was something you had no control over. You did not do this.

You've done your best to support him but he cannot control your lives because he can't access support. Are there any local mental health support projects in your area? They are more likely to be of help to him than anything else right now.