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Mental health meltdown - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

Mental health meltdown

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
108 posts
Chridtine, wearing and horrid though the attack was, to me it absolutely points to it being a key componenent, possibly the original cause, of his MH. Think of what you did as the equivalent of 'poking a septic wound' !!! no wonder he hit the roof!

I would agree, though, that you can now 'back off' as in, you won't get anywhere yourself. BUT, please please add this outburst to what you write to the psyche. Like I say, I would argue strongly that his reaction strongly indicates what an 'issue' this is for him.
(((HUGS))). Such a gentle enquiry, ferocious outburst says it all really. This is almost certainly at least one of the things that he hasn't come to terms with, and he is deeply troubled.
Thank you Bowling bun
I'm just feeling so terrible, guilty everything rolled into one. I may of done the wrong thing but I meant it for the right reasons. I have to walk away because I don't know what else to do. I feel out of my depth
Christine
Thank you Jenny
I just don't know what else to do,maybe I was wrong in approaching the subject but I didn't mean it in any other way then to try and help. I am torn inside now with guilt and I have to walk away
Christine
seems like he is getting the help he needs your doing a good job supporting him all you can do is not push him and let him talk when ready,I have been to A and E so many times and have to get past an A and E dr and I don't always get seen by road it's so hard to access help 9yr down the line am still fighting for help and like your ex reached breaking point but sadly no help.
Thank you Tracie
I have to walk away,I cannot cope. I am due to start a course soon in understanding mental health but after hearing some of the things i got told today I'm beginning to doubt my suitability to do this.
I don't know I think a little thinking is needed
Christine
You certainly need to have time and space to think about where to go from here. Awful dilemma. Take as long as you need. Arm yourself with a pen and notepad, making lists of pros, cons, etc to find the right answer for YOU.
Thank you Bowlingbun
That is exactly what I need to do. I think it is time for me,I know I can do the course and I am not discouraged fully by angry words spoken. I have given more then I really needed to and although he is my child's father it does not mean I am obliged to help him. I did because I wanted to. This today was just the final straw,I cannot really help him and lord knows over time I have tried. Its time to admit defeat and walk away for my peace of mind
Christine
Christine, this sounds like a good resolution, for you. Don't be discouraged by the whatever he told you during that awful session. If he has spent his lifetime building walls to protect himself from childhood things, then he will defend them vigorously from any attack. Unfortunately, that can well mean using any ammunition to repel unpleasant thought. It won't necessarily have any relation to truth. It will simply to be said to close everything down as soon as possible.

Viciousness is one of the best ways of doing that - it leaves the other person (you) shocked and disoriented. Nearly all of us, in that situation, will think there must be some truth in the hurtful words, but there doesn't have to be. The purpose of the words was not to convey truth, but to stop his pain.

So, if you decide to examine those accusations, be kind on yourself. Some of the accusations may look like truth. They will contain nuggets of things that look real... but it's unreliable information.

I'd say go ahead and take the course you are planning to take. I tend to think any understand of psychology and abnormal psychology can help us deal with difficult situations. If you're having real trouble with what your ex threw at you, why not see if you can find a decent counsellor to help you sort through it and get it in proportion?
I'm not saying don't walk away at this stage, but PLEASE don't do so till you've written that VITAL letter to his new psych.

I agree with HW the viciousness is not 'about you' but about HIM - ie, the pain he's feeling, and the severity of his 'attack' is a sure sign of how 'close to the truth' he feels you got.

His 'denial self' is now desparate, but it is also VERY near to 'cracking' - ie, forcing him finally to confront what he's been fighting all his life, ie to admit his mother was a prize xxxxx

This is painful - to this day, I feel like I'm being incredibly disloyal to my mother (who died thirty years ago!) by voicing ANY criticism of her, however justified.

(The way he may have to 'accept' his mother's cruelty to him in abandoning him and rejecting him, is by...hopefully!....finding that there were 'good reasons' why she did it - eg, her own MH, or having been forced to 'choose' her children - the Sophie's Choice Nightmare - from say a controlling husband....rather than her just being a loveless prize xxx)
108 posts