Hello again,
I am a carer for my elderly mum, with which I cope very well emotionally and practically because, well, she's in her 80s and this feels like the natural order of things. She has full capacity and just needs help organising things and putting them into practice - getting workmen round, cleaning, doing shopping etc, plus just sharing a bit of time together, which feels valuable and precious.
For the past 4 years, though, I have also become a carer for my son, who started to behave strangely from around the age of 15. Having previously been very popular and outgoing, he became reclusive and withdrawn. He also stopped looking after himself, becoming very dirty and unkempt. At first I thought it was an adolescent stage that, with our support and encouragement, he'd soon leave behind. But then he started disappearing for long periods, saying he was staying with friends ("Good" we thought) but actually sleeping rough in local parks and farmland. He then refused to go to college because he said it was full of "negative energy." He also refused to come home again, for the same reason but refused to see a doctor on the basis that, "They'll just want to diagnose me with schizophrenia and stick needles in me!" He also insisted that he'd punch any doctor that came near him, but the pattern of behaviour continued and, in order to save him from sleeping rough we ended up staying in various holiday cottages over a period of 6 months. Each cottage soon became "contaminated," making him distressed and exacerbating behaviours like spitting, pacing or playing energy clearing videos on Youtube, and we had to keep moving. At the same time the GPs insisted that he'd have to come in personally to see them as he couldn't just be referred to the relevent services. And various charity helplines we called explained that we'd have to wait for him to get worse before involving social services or the police.
Eventually we got him to see the GP by explaining that the cottages would be unaffordable without him claiming ESA, for which he needed a doctor's note. This is how we eventually got to see the early intervention team and we're now over our 3 years with little improvement. Our son says "No" to everything. The meds he had to take to avoid hospitalisation didn't work (several anti-psychotics in different doses were tried) and this has reinforced his stance. Two separate psychotherapists have said he just won't engage or set any goals and so we need to wait for him to be "ready." We've moved house because the old house became too contaminated for him to bear (without heaving and feeling faint all the time) and we're not about 18 months into our new home, with many of the problems continuing. He has simply refined his patterns. He disappears for long periods but now takes care not to involve the police (which happened a few times, once when we reported him as a missing person). He does his pacing and exercise rituals, avoids most contact with us, remains filthy and gives minimal answers to the CPN and the consultant - enough to make them go away. He is now wise to the ways of the MH professionals and the CPN tells us that he comes across as having capacity. He is of the firm belief that our son would easily talk his way through a MH assessment and now the consultant is talking about discharging him. She says he definitely doesn't have psychosis, which I find hard to believe.
I am very worried. My son is now 21 and I don't know how to get help. I've really, really tried but I've failed.