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Carers UK Forum • Making people aware of their actions whilst ill
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Making people aware of their actions whilst ill

Posted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 4:41 pm
by cazboz
I have read alot of information saying those with CD/BPD should be made responsible for their actions because of the affect on others.
Is it wise to tell someone what they did whilst they were ill or do you run the risk of making them feel even worse about themselves and making the illness worse too?

Re: Making people aware of their actions whilst ill

Posted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 6:27 pm
by farmer1961
I tried this with my late mother who had BPD - in her case a bad decision. She had very little self awareness and ownership of her mental health problems when well but I think this might have been a generational thing when mental ill-health was more of a taboo subject. Even though I tried to be kind I felt she saw it as a personal slight from me and it did put a wedge between us at times so it probably depends on the individual concerned.

Re: Making people aware of their actions whilst ill

Posted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 1:06 pm
by Pete the Paint
I find I have to just go with the flow. My Jill has had years of mental health issues and been really stupid and horrible at times.
When she's well like she is now, she cant remember a thing about the daft/hurtful things shes done whilst ill.
It's a very hard one to advise on. As Charles says, it's about how the individual will take it and is it worth rocking the boat when their well?
I dont think so. Image

Re: Making people aware of their actions whilst ill

Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 7:30 pm
by silverday
To be honest, when my mum is 'well' I am too grateful to bring up the past and spoil it. I try and make the most of the times when she is well.

Re: Making people aware of their actions whilst ill

Posted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 11:48 pm
by julie blake
I don't see that there is any point telling somebody what they have done whilst ill and making them take responsibility for it you wouldn't want to make a suffer of any other condition feel responsible so why would you want to do this to someone with mental health problems it seems just another example of the stigma of mental health after all if they are not aware the first time when they were doing it they will not be aware the next time either.Unless of course they have been barred from the local shop or the neighbors lock their children indoors when the person is about then an explanation might be in order

Re: Making people aware of their actions whilst ill

Posted: Mon Jan 13, 2014 10:12 pm
by Sitting Quietly
My wife had no recollection of some of the things she used to do when 'having one of those moments'.

I would sometimes tell her afterwards, or sometimes I would need to explain why something was broken.

It serves no purpose to tell them. It wont prevent them doing it in future.

Re: Making people aware of their actions whilst ill

Posted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 4:36 pm
by loanbattle
i read this post a while back and was going to comment, but got a bit tied up.
if somebody's actions cause hurt or distress to others should it not be talked about somehow?
if you got drunk and did something horrible you would expect to have your ear bent!
i know we are dealing with illness and and people dont mean to do what they do. but if somebody you care for is also your partner, is it not healthy to talk about things that have happened. especially if you are the one picking up the pieces. if you carry any sort of pain about anything that was projected on to you or done to you, you will carry it, it will fester inside you, you will become resentful, this will start to show in your relationship and will then effect your ability as a carer, and because your career is none the wiser they will see it and just presume its you being " funny" or "grumpy" which will then cause issues??????
just my opinion Image

Re: Making people aware of their actions whilst ill

Posted: Sun Dec 28, 2014 12:13 am
by Mezz
Hi I know this is an old post but I do agree with loanbattle if the person has spent money and has put the family in debt then decisions have to be made the person has to be aware so that they can help sort the problem I know my husband feels very guilty about money even tho I say not too however I gently have to explain what he's done so that we can sort the situation out as a team. Also as a wife it is hard to accept the debt when you had nothing to do with the business decision that went wrong due to a delusion you do feel anger that you have to use your savings to get the other half our of debt and may have heated discussions say things you regret but we are only human and under a lot of stress I for one can't always help my reactions and the fear of perhaps one day losing our house sounds dramatic maybe it is but with BPD this could be real

Re: Making people aware of their actions whilst ill

Posted: Sun Dec 28, 2014 8:47 am
by missunderstood
I guess it depends what the behaviour has been. Years ago when my husband used to self medicate to cope with lows or mania, his behaviour was hurtful and dangerous. He often used to go off in the car while so drunk he couldn't stand, send death threats to people, have Internet sex with other women and the worst was trying to strangle me.

I know he was unwell however he was responsible for his drinking and once he realised, after ending up in a police cell, that this is what happened when he drank, he did something about it. It may have taken 15 years, but now he doesn't drink and these things no longer happen.

If I had tiptoed around him, we would still be there. Of course, it all depends on the person and their condition. This is just my story.

Re: Making people aware of their actions whilst ill

Posted: Sun Dec 28, 2014 5:23 pm
by Mezz
Hi again misunderstood my husband was under huge stress from his job for a whole year tried to leave the job but always got talked into staying anyway I didn't know this but he started to self medicate with weed hence the manic episode I'm angry in a way as he's put us under finical stress, the house needs repair but we have no money, I'm paying off his credit card the saying he's not well is wearing thin but I still love him I still trust he can get better and get us out of this whole what I'm scared of his how do I stop him self medicating he comes out of hospital tomorrow but he can wrap me round his little finger any advice would be so greatly received