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Bipolar - Carers UK Forum


For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Hi Carers,
new member
I am looking after my husband who suffers from OCD and Bipolar. Is there anybody out here in the same boat . Could do with chat ...and advise .
Hello sandymary

Welcome to the forum. I am a fellow carer, but caring for someone who has different mental health problems. I am free to chat if you ever visit the forum again
Welcome to the forum. There are few carers here with bi polar carees, I'm sure they'll reply as soon as they can.
So sorry Sandymary

I have only just seen your post. I am a carer of a Bipolar spouse, please feel free to post :-D
Hi, just joined and am carer of a bipolar spouse who also has chronic arthritis, feel free to message.
Hi Catherine I have a husband with BPD I feel quite alone as my husband's side of the family are not supporting him they have not been to see him in hospital and I know he feels let down I just hope this does not set him back. Has anyone had a similar experience within their own family?
Hi there Jayne

It can feel as if you're all on your own when family aren't supportive. My husbands family distanced themselves from us and we haven't spoken in years. It's sad for our kids. In a lot of cases, it's because of fear. Fear of what bipolar/ mental health entails and also about what to do or say, of saying the wrong thing. Could this be the case with your situation?

How long has your husband been in hospital?

What about you? Do you have a support network?

It's a bit quiet here at the moment as its that time of year. Please feel free to post here, we are a caring supportive bunch x
It may be fear of mental illness es that drives relatives away ,but it may also be 'exhaustion' - if the patient can't be 'cured' and their behaviour is very, very demanding and difficult and disruptive, then relatives may simply decide to 'wash their hands' of them, and walk away.

Self-survival takes over, and relatives decline to sacrifice their own lives and happiness by constantly having to 'cope' with a member of the family who is 'incurable'.....

I guess it all boils down to that very difficult moral question - Am I my brother's keeper?

To what extend does someone have to be responsible for another human being?

Not easy to answer.....
Hmmm, I've often been tempted to run away in the dead of night, when things have been really stressful. But I never did. What kept me there is love. I learned to differentiate between the person and the illness.

Some people can't or don't want to. I wouldn't have "chosen" it. In our case, his parents at first denied he had Bipolar, then told us that there had been "nothing like that in their families" although his maternal grandmother spent half her life in a mental asylum. They have never even asked him how he was and changed the subject when mental illness came up. We weren't asking them to take over any aspects of his care, just be loving and show concern. Apparently too much. We have not spoken for 5 yrs now and they seem to be fine with that situation. Even getting Facebook profiles and blocking us. Family is a complicated concept.
Hi misunderstood thank you for your support my husband went in hospital for one week apparently not ill enough to stay there, however when he got home there was so much tension we argued his brother intervened then the next thing I know hubby is back in hospital which I feel responsible for. He's been there a week in that week his family seem to have disappeared maybe it is fear his sister has bpd and hubby's late father also had bpd he was in a bad way I believe there was domestic violence affairs god knows what else but why do they compare hubby to his father? why have they backed off? I did find them over powering but now theres no one. I find myself getting snapped with my side of the family pretty soon I think I would have upset the whole world! How do I control my stress?? I don't want t o drive people away but no one gets it or makes allowances for me.

My husband has had bpd since the age of 18 he's 28 now, has gone manic 4 times we have been together for seven years and this is the first time it has shown its ugly head since we have been together. I have no experience of mental illness so was led by this family however we do not agree with the same approach I want to be supportive and show hubby love and as one post suggests try and separate the illness from the man but it is all a huge learning curve. Their approach is tough love, pull yourself together leave him that attitude adds to my stress hence why I'm snapping at those I love things keep going wrong with the house bills keep arriving hubby keeps asking for things that cost money I don't feel like his wife I feel like a parent