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How do I get a bpd husband to comply - Carers UK Forum

How do I get a bpd husband to comply

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Hi everyone I need advice fast my husband is suppose to be discharged home tomorrow after just 1 week in hospital he knows he needs to take his meds and rest he wants to carry on his website business and won't sleep at night despite being on a lot of meds:
1 how do I know if he's taking his meds
2 how do I stop him working on websites
3 how do I get him to sleep
4 when he's agitated how should I handle it
5 when he's irritable whats the best thing to do or say
6 how do I stop him spending money
Jayne, this is completely unhelpful reply from me (so I hope others are more helpful) but I'm just stunned that your husband's psychiatrist hasn't briefed you on these key issues! Maybe I'm just very, very naïve about all this.

In case no one here has the precise experience you need to be helpful to you, is there not some forum that is dedicated to bipolar where you will have a bigger 'experience pool' to access? I found several on google just now by keying in 'bipolar forum', and some are specific for spouses like you.

All the very best in such a difficult and distressing situation....Jenny
hi Jayne

to answer your questions

Do you have a pillbox split into morning and evening boxes, so you can keep track?

Do you need to stop him from doing hi websites if he wants to continue?
With the best will in the world, if someone cannot sleep, we cannot make them. Maybe you could help him establish a bedtime routine which can help prepare him for bed doing all the usual things like eating before seven pm, milky drink, warm bath etc
When someone is agitated or irritable it may be really helpful to just sit with him and listen without getting angry or upset, just being there.
Stopping him spending money is a bit more tricky, who is in charge of paying household essentials like food or bills? It's really important that he doesnt feel he is being treated like a child or having responsibility taken away from him, but that said, it would be best if he agreed to giving you permission to take control if he really cant. it would be fantastic if you were able to reach an agreement.
Is your husband still a little bit high? Does he have much insight into the fact he was ill and what the necessary steps are to prevent relapse? I would hope he would be seen by his psych in the outpatient dept within six weeks of discharge.

Regarding meds, the only way you can be sure is if you supervise administration. This is in itself problematic for your relationship ie trust etc. If you need to, you can observe covertly though, depending on the meds he takes he may feel sedated with increased appetite and weight gain. Check what the side effects are and see if he has them (side effects are the biggest reason for people not taking meds) Note that some side effects improve over time, so they may disappear but that doesn't mean hes stopped taking his meds. Also he may need blood tests to check serum levels which can flag up non concordance. He must not use illicit drugs as he will most likely relapse.
The problem with checking (as I mentioned earlier) is that it changes the dynamic of your relationship. It's borne out of a lack of trust (understandable) and can lead to both of you feeling frustrated. So it might be worth pressing the importance of his concordance with meds and leave it to him to take responsibility for staying well, it with you observing discreetly for signs of relapse that could suggest he's not taking his meds.

Re the websites, he needs to avoid over stimulation. Will he agree to stop using them until at least his next appointment with his psychiatrist? Can he find something less stimulating instead to alleviate boredom and listlessness? Again, he needs to take responsibility for his recovery, and the stress and stimulation of work related activity will not help, particularly if it was a feature in him becoming unwell initially. Is there a day hospital he could attend after discharge to help him learn some coping strategies for his need to be active/creative/work etc?

Sleep as misunderstood said is elusive and can't be forced. The best thing to do is establish a routine and some coping strategies to reduce "I can't sleep so I'll just do a bit of work instead".

Re aggression and irritability, I would most likely ask him what he would find helpful (if he's receptive to being asked and it's not likely to trigger a bout of irritability). Perhaps talk about what you both can do in situations of stress that would help each other, does he need to be left alone? If he is aggressive then I would leave, maybe ring the police, but I wouldn't automatically calm him down. It depends on the circumstance but I would always advise caution.

Re debts and money, again would he agree to you being responsible for finances temporarily until he sees his psych again, and depending on the progress he's made? Does he feel responsible enough yet? A lot of this will depend on dialogue between you and how open he is to having these constructive conversations.

Of course, it may be that this is too much for you right now. You have every right to think about what you want (even if this does not involve caring for, or staying with your husband).
Under these circumstances, your top priority needs to be protecting yourself from your husband's illness? I'm thinking especially of finances. If you don't want debts building up, then go and see the bank and ask what they can do to help you.
Last night my husband said he wants to divorce me he's choosing weed over me I found out last night when he was discharged last time he was still smoking I feel so hurt I stood by him and was fooled by him the dr is suppose to be ringing me later to discuss husbands progress all the ward staff think he's doing really well he does appear normal but then all this happens hopefully they won't let him out, he still is communicating in hospital using his phone making fb friends especially with women one told him that she was naked how can I cope with this.
One of the most difficult aspects of Bipolarity is called Hypersexuality, when a heightened interest in sex and sometimes sex with other people is experienced.

It's very difficult to cope with, but remember it is just another symptom of his condition. However I think it sounds as though he is still unwell, and not ready to be discharged.

When the doctor rings you later, do you feel able to share your concerns?

I always found this website a real mine of informationhttp://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problems ... order.aspx
I'm so, so sorry. You need to protect yourself most of all. It sounds very much as though you have reached the end of your road with this man, that you will never feel able to trust him again? Think now about what you wanted for your own life, for we are all ultimately responsible for our own happiness. I think you should take some legal advice as soon as possible, especially about your home and your finances. It certainly seems inappropriate for him to be discharged home at the moment.
I'm suppose to get a phone call after 1 I will share my concerns and be honest should I friend his fb friends and let them know? I will also look at the link many thanks
How very, very upsetting for you. I personally would think that it would be a good idea to immediately ring fence your finances as soon as you can, so that you have that protected - put as much moneys as you can into your own account, in your own name, not accessible by him. This is a very unstable situation and I agree that you need to protect yourself and your own interests as the first priority.

And yes, the second priority is to get legal advice about your situation as soon as you can.

Wishing you all the best possible, and hoping that the coming year will be easier on you, kind regards, Jenny