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Making people aware of their actions whilst ill - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Making people aware of their actions whilst ill

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
My advice is stark - cut his credit card up NOW. That will stop that line of spending at least....

Love can solve a lot of problems, but it can't solve all of them. Your husband's mental illness may be too much for you.

I wish you well, but if I were your mother, my advice would be ..... please, don't stay in this excruciatingly difficult relationship. I would be worried sick about you.....

All the best anyway, Jenny
I guess it's early days three weeks to be exact but it feels like three years, I feel I do need to give him more of a chance before I make the big decision the credit cards are stopped I wish I could control all the finances this is the trouble with a joint bank account I guess but I never thought he would have another attack after 7 years of being clear what a fool I am plus its so easy to get loans, credit cards buy off the internet etc. Is it a normal feeling to consider the possibility that I could leave him?
whether you stay or not, it has to be your decision. I think you are doing brilliantly and I have no doubt that you can get through this. It's just a matter of being very firm and boundaried about what you can and can't tolerate. Bipolar or no Bipolar.

If he hasbeen free from Bipolar for 7 years, it must have been a nasty shock to be faced with this. It is perfectly normal to be considering all your options. Including leaving.
If it's a joint account, go and see the bank, open a new account in your name and put all the assets in that. Legally, you are quite entitled to do that. Talk to the bank or banks. Explain the situation, they have a duty to lend responsibly.
Hi thanks for the advice I keep min funds in the joint have shipped most stuff out to my private account. I laid my cards on the table with my husband said what I was prepared to put up with he said last night he wants a divorce and that I am to leave the house, is this mania or should I go was up all night crying have not made it to work today
Hi Jayne

So sorry to hear this. To put it bluntly, I really wouldn't pay too much attention to what he says right now. He is unwell, unable to think clearly and it is possibly the very worst time to be making life changing decisions.

He may well be projecting all of his frustrations, anger and emotions onto you.

This sounds like an emotionally fraught situation. Is your husband still in hospital? If so, I wonder if you could talk to someone in his care about this latest development? It really doesn't sound like he is ready to come home.

Like others have said, it may be worth seeking advice about your rights. I wonder if this may be useful?

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/r ... l_capacity
hi I will look at the link I think what you said is right. The ward know about what was said last night he wants me to visit today but I don't feel up to it.
Don't visit him, go and see a lawyer. I don't think off hand, that it will make any difference to the financial side of divorce if you do choose (CHOOSE - not be ORDERED!) to move out (and you may wish to, anyway, to avoid him!) of your house, as the divorce judge will make a settlement between you.

However, as Misunderstood says, I wouldn't take too much notice of what he's saying in his 'mania' - the key thing now is to protect your own position, and to safeguard your finances, and to then think long and hard about what YOU want the future to be like. Do you have reliable friends or family to support you?
Jenny, I completely agree that it would be prudent to seek advice about property and finances in order for Jayne to protect herself and her home, I think it is premature to to assume that she wants to get a divorce or even to assume that she wants to or should leave her husband.
I also don't think it is up to us to advise her whether or not she should visit her husband.

This is a very difficult time and she is asking for support not marriage guidance. No offence intended, but having lived through similar experiences, I never found people advising me to leave my husband in the least bit helpful. On the contrary I found it offensive, you cannot judge someone on their behaviour when they are so unwell. They have lost the ability to think and act logically. It is not a reflection on who they normally are.


His behaviour may well be offensive and hurtful, however this is all part and parcel of his condition. he is being treated in hospital and may soon recover from this.

I didn't walk out on my husband when he was unwell from Bipolar any more than I would if he had Cancer.

Sorry if I seem arsey, I honestly don't mean to cause offence.
We have a member of the family who was hospitalised due to a mental health issue many years ago. The actions she took then, especially with money, caused problems which have had long term problems, over many, many years. I personally think that immediate action needs to be taken, focussing on "Damage Limitation". So going to a bank to ask for help, a lawyer, etc. is fine. For the moment, the carer has to assume full responsibility for safeguarding all joint assets, whatever they are.