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Lost in the Cracks - Carers UK Forum

Lost in the Cracks

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
My mum suffers with mental health problems, I know I have talked here in the past about the troubles it has caused, with some positive outcome and some not good outcomes.
My mum at the moment is in a horrible catch 22 situation which is affecting the family on whole. This has come about due to a water infection tipping the lithium balance which ended up with her becoming lithium toxic and had to spend time in Hospital to sort it out. But like most people know sometimes a spell in hospital it takes time for people to readjust but also doctors like to change or stop medication but with someone with mental health problems it's like a roller coaster. ( I know I have talked about it in other post on the forum the trouble I have had but this time as christmas this year has been Shit and not just because of covid!) Mum is worst since she came out of hospital and respite care,despite trying for answer or help, both me and my dad got no where. I don't want to send her back in and she does not want to go back in herself into the hell hole that has been caused. We have been kept in the dark over what happen,what they did to mum, we are now picking up the pieces even the GP has asked to the mental health team to find out what has been done and changed in the medication but weather there will be a answer is another matter as they are stuck on what to give or put her back on as the discharge papers only say what new meds she is on and not why. She was suppose to have a review after leaving the mental health ward in respite care after 2 week being discharged from the mental health ward by a CPN which did not happen! When she came home from Respite care of 1 month, the 1st thing she did comment on was the mess in the house which I admit has not been easy to clear due to a roof leak, boiler trouble and looking after dad who had a broken hip replaced but also trying to run the house as well for 6 month on ones own.
So she has help me do some cleaning but like a broken record complaining that I nor dad bothered to clean up the mess whilst she was away, left it all for her to do when she came back. I know it falsed but sometimes you can't get through to her to accept it. Trying to get hold of her care manger or someone to help from the mental health team was like hitting your head against a brick wall as nothing could or can be done until Jan as the doctor she saw on the mental health ward is in isolation, her care manager did not want her to see a different doctor as he only wanted someone who had seen or knew mum. The only thing they have done has increased one of her tablets which they believe that is she can sleep then she will not be like a bear with a soar head, all the vile and bitness shit coming from her will stop. Which is wrong as they are not looking at the duty of care but just a peaceful christmas. I have spoken to the carers center who have helped but some of this is out of their scope of help, we are looking for help from the advocate or legal advice to help in this matter as it has affected us all than just being stuck at home due to lockdown and covid. Sleep is not great for any of us, as mum is waking up in a state of panic and there is nothing for us to give her to take the edge off as they stopped the tablet for that and will not put her back on it. I am letting the mental abuse coming from her go over my head as I have given up trying to talk it over or out with her, even dad the same. The family social feeling of togetherness is breaking down as mentally we are not getting any let up from it,it nearly breaking up my parent marriage the last few days due to not having the right support.

Mum is suppose to have support but don't know what it is or when it going to happen. She is not right as she is saying the mess is bring her down but it's doing the same to all of us as we or mainly me can't be left to clean it up in peace or get on to do it( Spent christmas day clearing my parents bedroom of boxes of items I was going through to take to a charity shop or put in the attic for her to sleep in bed ending up with cuts all over my hands and legs and ripping the skin on my knuckles due to boxes breaking and rushing to clear it . She has got memory problems, has been checked for all type of memory lost but nothing is showing signs that it something that can be identified. When she was looking at clothes she had not put on for a while, she does not believe that they are hers but someone else's. I'm buggered to know what to do next?
Lets start with the boxes and mess. Hire a skip or have a bonfire.
Empty out your room and keep it how you want it. It's YOUR room, not for their junk.
Believe me, I know all about hoarders and the distress it causes, it took three of us, average height 6ft, to empty mum's house.
Get mum to agree to manage ONE room. It's her stuff. If the room is too cluttered, something has to go, not shuffled around somewhere else, but GO.
I would suggest that you take charge of the kitchen, for hygiene reasons.
What bathroom cleaner do you use? Could mum take charge of that?
Don't let her buzz from one place to another.