Looking for advice and support.

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Says it all!
Glad we are helping you see your mum in a different light - though I think you do KNOW her, but with your head, if your see what I mean, and in 'real life' you find it hard to resist her! (She's got you well trained, remember!)(like Pavlov's dogs - Jump, and you jump!)

DO NOT feel guilty that YOU put up with her! Firstly ,as I say, you were 'trained' to do so and secondly all you have done is for your OWN survival! You were ENTITLED to do anything it takes to 'put up with her'. OK, that was 'wrong' in the sense that it didn't sort the problem out for YOU (remember, you do NOT have to sort your mum's problems out for HER, only sort out the problem that your mum is FOR YOU!), but it was ENTIRELY justifiable.

Yes, it is 'odd' isn't it, that she has been SO badly treated by 'everyone else' all her life....

(Definitely look up Narcissism please! You'll see that dreadful dreadful 'Oh, I'm so so hard done by!' - 'Poor me, poor me!' - everywhere)

I'm glad you have a hubby rooting for you - that's really good.

It's a question not of 'rejecting' you mum, but of 'immunising' yourself against her (as in, the 'bad' stuff about her), so she can't 'get through to you' and push those 'guilt buttons.

You've every chance that this can be a real turning point for you - love your mum, but don't 'fall under malign spell'!!!!
PS - you don't even have to have a confrontation with her! You just smile ....and don't do what she wants.

And stop telling her things eg like about your holiday. And anyway, who cares what she thinks about it? Her 'approval' is not necessary in your life. It never was. It never will be. She'll be discontented all her life, as that is her' nature' (or that of the 'monstrous' side of her - but that monster is NOT your responsibility, but hers. She will probably die with it in control of her - sad, but she's made it part of her, and instead of being a warm, loving person, she is the 'monster' she is now, ala.s But not YOUR problem. HERS.)

Enjoy what 'good bits' you have with her, but just 'insulate' yourself from everything else.....