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Just A Rant - Carers UK Forum

Just A Rant

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Hi

I am Carer to my Husband who sufferes with Depression, and is currently over coming Venlafaxine withdrawal and starting on Moclobomide.

My Rant is I just seem to be left to get on with it. By that I mean I get a phone call from the inlaws this morning as " Just checking to see you are okay, but we are busy today" (and yesterday, and the day before that...!) Seems everyone else is getting on with thier Christmas prep, and leaving me to cope on my todd!

I am trying to sort out seeing my Family for one day who leave over 150 miles away on Saturday, whom I don't see very often. I would like to go to deliver presents and to also deliver my Nephews Birthday Pressie, as it is his Birthday Christmas Eve. To be asked, how long will you be, only we've got the dogs" Can't your relatives come to you?"

In answer, no they can't 1st of all, how would that make my Husband feel? He is only really coping with just us two in the house - he preferes it that way. 2nd of all, some of my relatives are not able. I am able, just need to have someone here to keep an eye on my Husband for the day (not the night) while I pop down and see my family..Is it too much to ask? I wouldn't mind - but it's thier son!

Sorry! Rant over!!

Karen
Hi

I am Carer to my Husband who sufferes with Depression, and is currently over coming Venlafaxine withdrawal and starting on Moclobomide.

My Rant is I just seem to be left to get on with it. By that I mean I get a phone call from the inlaws this morning as " Just checking to see you are okay, but we are busy today" (and yesterday, and the day before that...!) Seems everyone else is getting on with thier Christmas prep, and leaving me to cope on my todd!

I am trying to sort out seeing my Family for one day who leave over 150 miles away on Saturday, whom I don't see very often. I would like to go to deliver presents and to also deliver my Nephews Birthday Pressie, as it is his Birthday Christmas Eve. To be asked, how long will you be, only we've got the dogs" Can't your relatives come to you?"

In answer, no they can't 1st of all, how would that make my Husband feel? He is only really coping with just us two in the house - he preferes it that way. 2nd of all, some of my relatives are not able. I am able, just need to have someone here to keep an eye on my Husband for the day (not the night) while I pop down and see my family..Is it too much to ask? I wouldn't mind - but it's thier son!

Sorry! Rant over!!

Karen
Karen so sorry to hear of your news about your relatives and their lack of empathy and insensitivity. It happens so much that the carer is just left to get on with it.
The only other thing is to ask outright and say that you need to deliver presents and would ( whoever it is) come and spend a little time with him as he cannot be left on his own and you can see no other way of doing it without some family help. Families, just drive me to dispair at times, its so sad Image
Good luck Karen, I hope you can get it sorted out soon. If theres anything I can help with, then please contact me. Take care with best wishes RRB x ps you are most certainly entitled to rant Image
Thanks for listening! Hope you have a lovely Christmas! K
Doesn't sort your problem, but it always helps to get it off your chest!

Hope you get everything done and have a happy Christmas.
Karen you can have a rant on here anytime you like Image
Relative are the bane of so many carers lives. As RRB says, sometimes you just have to come out with what you need and ask them. People who arnt carers themselves have no idea what is involved.
Karen you can have a rant on here anytime you like Image
Relative are the bane of so many carers lives. As RRB says, sometimes you just have to come out with what you need and ask them. People who arnt carers themselves have no idea what is involved.
No,its not just making a cup of tea and a quick " how you are you? your fine? oh good"........ bye then"

shakes head and sighs Image
RRB
Karen, the majority of people I find really have no idea what caring is REALLY like. I was probably guilty of that myself before my dad died and I took over caring for Mum. Of course you should be able to visit your family and without having to go through all the hastle that you are having. Hold your head up high and tell them what you are doing and what they need to do to ensure their son is safe whilst you are away.

Hope your Christmas is a good one Karen.

Bell x
Karen, I've given up on family too. My younger brother made his annual visit to mum today, he only lives 60 miles away. When I said how much more needy mum was, his initial reaction was to "put her in a home". Never mind the fact that she doesn't want to do that. He also said that he was "too busy" to do anything at all to help. I then heard what a lovely 2 week holiday they'd had in Greece!!! I wonder if your OH would enjoy the company of another man? Some areas have volunteer schemes and/or male carers, if you could find one with similar interests it might take a bit of pressure off you and aid his recovery, but different areas have different schemes, just depends what's in your area.
Rants are fine, sometimes we just need to explode to someone who understands. My partner has bipolar and physical health problems too... my parents are already disapproving of me being in a gay relationship, and we can't hide the wheelchair, but we are hiding the mental health problems simply because they are so unsupportive. I think part of the problem is that those who are outside looking on refuse to accept that you actually love someone even though they can be quite poorly.
Rants are fine, sometimes we just need to explode to someone who understands. My partner has bipolar and physical health problems too... my parents are already disapproving of me being in a gay relationship, and we can't hide the wheelchair, but we are hiding the mental health problems simply because they are so unsupportive. I think part of the problem is that those who are outside looking on refuse to accept that you actually love someone even though they can be quite poorly.
Good on you Joseph. I wish you all the best and a Happy, Healthy and Peaceful 2013.

RRB