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Is this how its going to be? - Carers UK Forum

Is this how its going to be?

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Im new to the site, I came online because I am really struggling to help my husband who is suffering from depression. He has been out of work for 6months now, was in the military but got made redundant because of health issues. He is on anti depressants and also anti-psychotic drugs as they weren't sure if he is demonstrating bi-polar tendancies or PTSD. I work full time and have a 6year old as well, and at the moment I am feeling really low. Basically feeling sorry for myself and my daughter. I can manage when he is low and sad, I can be there to offer my support. What is killing me is the anger, the nastiness and the put downs to me and my daughter. Is this part of his illness? Does anyone else have this? Or I am letting him use the depression as an excuse to be mean....
We had an awful Christmas, then from New Years eve things were amazing - he was happy, jolly, playful and talkative, then after 5 days (I don't know why) we went back to awful and it seems to have just spiraled down to the worst I have ever known. Not sure how much more I can take, need some advice please.
Sarah Image
I'm sure someone will come along with more information than i can ever give you on this, but in the mean time I think you need a hug (((((((hug))))))))
Hi Sarah0803, and welcome to the forum.

I'm no expert in mental health but if your partner has bi-polar, then the trick is to get the medication right to even out his condition. That takes time but it can get better.
For PTSD, the results are less certain and mostly will require the use of psychotherapy. It sounds as though they are more strongly going down the bi-polar route though.

My wife's mother went through a very unstable patch around the time we got engaged. Which was probably the trigger, thinking about it now. It was a very tough year for my wife but it did get better over time.
Hi Sarah, are you a member of any local support group? In my county I know that there are support groups specially for people with mental health issues. I'm really concerned for your little girl, however bad he is feeling he really shouldn't be taking out how he feels on her. I know some people just walk out of the room is their caree is being nasty. Would that be an option? Are the military giving him any help, as it might be PTSD?
Hi everyone,
Thanks for the welcome and the advice.
I feel a lot better today, it probably helped to get it all out. But I also had a lovely long chat to the school's Family Liason Officer.
I have been worried about my daughter and how this will affect her now and in the future, the FLO has been keeping an eye on her and has been taking her out for some art therapy which is lovely, and so good of the school.
Today she gave me a few ideas which I put into place as soon as we got home from school today. One of those was to sit down together and discuss what we want to change as individuals and how we can support each other to do this. It was so nice to let my little one have her say, we have established a few guidelines, such as we do not call each other nasty names, we will listen to each other and we will not use our grumpy voice with each other. And I tried not to but couldn't help but laugh when he did a big sigh and she said we must promise not to huff and puff all the time too!! Unfortunately that did bring our discussion to an end but not in the usual explosive way so that's a start; my daughter also seems to have gone to bed happier which Im pleased about.
I have asked around about support groups locally, I cant find anything for 'carers' of people with depression but I think I will talk to my husbands support worker.
The Army are just getting involved now, we are having someone from combat stress out to see us this Thursday after a 6 month waiting list, I have heard they are very good - fingers crossed.
Its now just a bit of a waiting game I think to see what support we can get and link everyone together so we can work out what the best path is.
Again thank you for the support, its nice to read a friendly post - just gives you a boost when you need it the most.
Hi Sarah,
Many apologies as I have only just seen your post.
Have you heard of 'Making Space' ? They help people with mental health problems (my OH suffers with Depression) plus their Carers.
They have a website and operate in many areas.
I have a support worker with them, I can phone her, email her or arrange to have a coffee with her if I can get time out, it's really good to know there is someone there for me too.
Hope this helps,
Best wishes
Thank you Sturdy Girl, did have a look at the website, unfortunately they do not operate in Kent. I will look out for similar services, but if anyone else knows of anything please do let me know.
Thank you
Sarah x
Hi Sarah, I feel so sad for you Image I know from personal experience that for some reason the person we care for speaks badly to the person closest to them - this doesn't help though when you're feeling sad... Try to get some time for you & your daughter to be alone or you'll end up depressed too - it seems to be a knock on effect.

Thinking of you,
Dee x
Hi sarah
I know where your coming from I'm not sure how much more I can take my partner was admitted to a mental health unit just after christmas and has since been diagnosed with a mental health disorder and depression with psychosis his behaviour is very similar and we have a four year old and I work part time I feel like I am no longer me anymore there is no [/btime to be me anymore I'm so low I'm beside myself sometimes and tonight I have cried a river but we can do this I'm sure we can we just have to look for some support outside our friends and families so we can be honest about how we are feeling and stay strong for our little ones hang on in there with me x
((((((((((hugs)))))))))) anglecake
I think mental health issues are the hardest to deal with - it somehow feels like the person has become lost. I do hope he finds the treatment that he needs. I know that often depression with psychosis can make a good recovery.
In the meanwhile use this site as much as you would like. You might like to add a post in the new to the site area, so we can all welcome you and if you want a chat join us on roll call in the members area