Yes, I agree. It's great that you have come to a 'better place' since your troubled past, and it's a shame to 'waste' that, if your see what I mean.
Do you have any understanding of why your husband is so anxious (and does he?!) - I'm a firm believer that we cannot 'heal' our troubled minds without understanding what made them troubled in the first place. Once we know why we are why we are, we can start to change things for the better. The change might be something like CBT - ie, just changing our habits of mind, etc.
Anxiety is not 'rational' as in, it does not equably evaluate the ACTUAL risks of whatever it is we are anxious about ('everythjing' sometimes!), but slants everything towards the 'worst possible'. Living in fear and stress is not good for us, but in a way it's an extension of 'cave man psychology' where every slight noise might be a sabre toothed tiger approaching etc. So, in a way, being 'anxious' (alert) is a 'normal' and indeed life-preserving quality, but in our pretty safe modern age (luckily) it can just get in the way of being able to appreciate all that we DO have.
The longer someone has 'anxiety' the more that state of mind normalises, and that is why things like CBT are good to 'retrain' the mind.
Aggression and bad temper are never tolerable as a 'way of life'. The old phrase 'keep your temper - nobody wants it!' is very apt. I would call up your husband short every time he starts on you and simply say 'Look, I don't snap at you, so don't snap at me!' - and walk away.
Living in an 'atmosphere' is NOT good for your children - and could lead to THEM having problems in later life.That has to be your greatest concern right now.
Two thoughts - do you think your husband may have Aspergers? It wasn't well know in my youth, but when I started reading descriptions of male behaviour with Aspgerers' I though 'Wow, this is my husband!'.....it made a lot of sense (only mild, but definitely 'there')(he 'mellowed' a lot as he aged thankfully) (the anger could be very fierce and very sudden, and he had huge difficult being 'sympathetic' to me!)
Secondly, have you done an 'escape plan'? I would go through the exercise of drawing one up, starting with Finances and ending with Child Access etc.
Then, at least you would have some real ideal of whether you could make it happen. It will be your choice, and, in a way, it could be the wake up call your husband needs.
However, be warned by the sister of someone I know. They had a 'difficult and unappreciative' husband whom she finally walked out on - only to find HERSELF blamed by her children, and him,.....and instead of rushing after her and throwing himself on her and begging her forgiveness for being such an insensitive brute....he went off with another woman.....blissfully believing HE had been 'wronged'....
