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Carers UK Forum • I'm tired and in pain
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I'm tired and in pain

Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2021 2:38 am
by Melina_1806a
Hello I hope all is well. Thank you all for being such a lovely community.
I've been self harming for 16 years. I'm 29 now. Life is harder as per usual. I'm severely depressed and hopeless. At the moment I suffer from prediabetes and peripheral neuropathy due to me being a idiot and glutton. My self harm is really bad really bad. I was hoping I would've of stopped by now but life doesn't exactly stop. Well not yet. Anyway I realise I really need to stop but I'm so addicted. I've had to stop binge eating, stop eating my favourite foods, stop smoking and drinking. Which is making me dependent on self harm more than ever. However, that makes my neuropathy even worse. I just need help. And I feel like I'm falling apart. I feel so lost and anxious.

What worries me the most is my mum and brother depend on me. I do everything. What happens if my neuropathy gets worst. Sometimes I wake up my feet and fingers are numb. I'm dropping things and falling and stumbling. I'm honestly afraid for them. And it's making my depression worst.

I feel like all this is signs for worst to come.
I just don't know what to do anymore . :cry:

Re: I'm tired and in pain

Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2021 3:05 am
by bowlingbun
Tomorrow morning tell us more about mum and brother.
We should be able to get you more support.

Re: I'm tired and in pain

Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2021 3:23 pm
by sunnydisposition
I've had to stop binge eating, stop eating my favourite foods, stop smoking and drinking
Melina I think you are being too hard on yourself. You've made amazingly great progress. You have decarded many crutches. It sounds like one last one to get control back. When we discard something there can be a tendency or a need to replace it with something else.

Have you heard of ....

https://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/treatment/wrist-band

Self harming for 16 years is a long time. And you will a lot of support. Have you ever attend self harming support groups.

https://www.selfinjurysupport.org.uk/support-groups
https://www.selfinjurysupport.org.uk/ou ... t-services

How old is your Mum and brother?

Do they also need support.

Re: I'm tired and in pain

Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2021 3:32 pm
by Melina_1806a
bowlingbun wrote:
Fri Apr 16, 2021 3:05 am
Tomorrow morning tell us more about mum and brother.
We should be able to get you more support.
Hello thank you for getting back to me. My mum is partially paralysed due to a stroke. She has a speech impairment and has type 2 diabetes. She has other health issues but those are the main problems. She is 52. My brother is 19.

Re: I'm tired and in pain

Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2021 3:54 pm
by Melina_1806a
sunnydisposition wrote:
Fri Apr 16, 2021 3:23 pm
I've had to stop binge eating, stop eating my favourite foods, stop smoking and drinking
Melina I think you are being too hard on yourself. You've made amazingly great progress. You have decarded many crutches. It sounds like one last one to get control back. When we discard something there can be a tendency or a need to replace it with something else.

Have you heard of ....

https://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/treatment/wrist-band

Self harming for 16 years is a long time. And you will a lot of support. Have you ever attend self harming support groups.

https://www.selfinjurysupport.org.uk/support-groups
https://www.selfinjurysupport.org.uk/ou ... t-services

How old is your Mum and brother?

Do they also need support.
I appreciate you taking the time to comment. Thank you for the links I will look at them. I appreciate your kind words but I have nothing to be proud of.my mum is 53 and my brother is 19. Yes they need alot Moe support than me. They need so much. Thank you.

Re: I'm tired and in pain

Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2021 6:13 pm
by bowlingbun
Is your brother disabled, or lazy?
At 8 years old, my grandson can cook simple meals, empty and load the dishwasher, and mow the lawn.

At 19, unless he is disabled, your brother should be able to look after himself and his own stuff!
Mum is entitled to highest rate disability benefits DLA/PIP, and that is to cover the extra costs of her disability, Care and Mobility.
Also exemption from Council Tax due to severe mental impairment, because of her stroke.
You are entitled to Carers Allowance, topped up with ?ESA.

The hardest thing will be to stop both of them leaning on you and expecting you to do everything for them. Mum MUST accept outside carers, to stop you feeling terrible about your situation.

Re: I'm tired and in pain

Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2021 5:33 am
by Melina_1806a
bowlingbun wrote:
Fri Apr 16, 2021 6:13 pm
Is your brother disabled, or lazy?
At 8 years old, my grandson can cook simple meals, empty and load the dishwasher, and mow the lawn.

At 19, unless he is disabled, your brother should be able to look after himself and his own stuff!
Mum is entitled to highest rate disability benefits DLA/PIP, and that is to cover the extra costs of her disability, Care and Mobility.
Also exemption from Council Tax due to severe mental impairment, because of her stroke.
You are entitled to Carers Allowance, topped up with ?ESA.

The hardest thing will be to stop both of them leaning on you and expecting you to do everything for them. Mum MUST accept outside carers, to stop you feeling terrible about your situation.
Me and my brother are not close. To be honest it would be easier to not ask to avoid trouble. Also he is so young I was 20 when I started caring for mum. So I do not want to overburden him.

My mum received all of those benefits even though it took forever and it was extremely difficult. Thank you .
Yes my mum refuses. But I understand she has anxiety as well.
Thank you for your kindness. I just realise I posted on the wrong forum. This isn't for carers mental health but those you care for. My apologizes.

Re: I'm tired and in pain

Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2021 7:30 am
by susieq
Melina_1806a wrote:
Sat Apr 17, 2021 5:33 am

Thank you for your kindness. I just realise I posted on the wrong forum. This isn't for carers mental health but those you care for. My apologizes.
Hello Melina

You haven't posted on the wrong forum - Carers UK Forum's aim is to try to provide support and advice to all those caring for a friend or family member whatever their own health or situation. Sometimes it may seem that advice offered refers to the one being cared for rather than the Carer - but addressing the caree's issues can often help lead to a resolution.

Re: I'm tired and in pain

Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2021 11:38 am
by bowlingbun
I fell into many of the same traps you have fallen into, thinking it was my job to look after mum (6 miles away, housebound since about 1976) as well as having a brain damaged son, running my own home etc. My brothers were always "too busy".
For years mum refused to claim disability benefits, finally I did the forms for her, as her disability worsened. Dad worked overseas a lot, leaving me to do everything for mum, shopping, errands, endless jobs.
Mum refused to accept carers until she realised that without my support the only option was a nursing home. I had recently had major surgery, found my husband dead in bed, and had a head on smash that left me disabled. Even so, she thought it was OK to "save" me some jobs as I did them better than the carers!!!
I was on the verge of a breakdown. My only source of income was selling my late husband's business stock. 30 TONS of lorry spares, but everyone apart from my eldest son who lived with me just wanted a bit of me.

Counselling made me realise that I was behaving like a dutiful little girl towards my mum. She had absolutely no right to demand my time, what I did with my life was my affair, I didn't have to justify myself by saying "I can't because..."
Mum was entitled to have carers, and they were supposed to do whatever she wanted. On top of that she had a girl she paid to shop and iron for her, and a gardener.
I had none of these things.
As children we have to do what our parents want us to do. As adults, we don't.
Your brother is old enough to look after himself. Stop doing things for him. I was married, a house owner and travelling the world when I was 20, running a home too. He has no right to your time either.
Everyone will expect you to do things because then they don't have to.
Until you stop doing them, no one else will do them.
Time to stick up for yourself. Your life and wellbeing is just as important than theirs.

The only power they have over you is the power you let them have!!

Re: I'm tired and in pain

Posted: Sun Apr 18, 2021 11:17 am
by Melina_1806a
susieq wrote:
Sat Apr 17, 2021 7:30 am
Melina_1806a wrote:
Sat Apr 17, 2021 5:33 am

Thank you for your kindness. I just realise I posted on the wrong forum. This isn't for carers mental health but those you care for. My apologizes.
Hello Melina

You haven't posted on the wrong forum - Carers UK Forum's aim is to try to provide support and advice to all those caring for a friend or family member whatever their own health or situation. Sometimes it may seem that advice offered refers to the one being cared for rather than the Carer - but addressing the caree's issues can often help lead to a resolution.
Thank you very much for this. I will keep this in mind. Very kind.Thank you.