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I can't do this any more - Carers UK Forum

I can't do this any more

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Sorry it's me again. I really can't go on any more my son this evening totally out of the blue threw his dinner across the room was verbally aggressive and is now using me as a verbal punch bag. The final straw is when he said I don't care how he feels as I feel I have done nothing but look after his mental health at great cost to my mental health my job and my relationship That hurt and I can't go on any longer
Hi Debra
Just to let you know someone is listening. Haven't any experience, sorry luv, but I do know that it isn't your son talking, it's his illness. He's hurting and lashing out to hurt someone else in return. They say that you always hurt the ones you love most. Sending you a big hug and hoping someone with experience can offer some more help soon.
Thanks Elaine I haven't any experience either and I feel so alone I really appreciate you replying so quickly I feel there are people who care x
If you feel that your physical safety is threatened, dial 999.
This might just make your son realise that his behaviour has gone completely out of control. It might flag up to the medical people the fact that the current situation simply CANNOT continue.
I would if he was being physically violent I wouldn't hesitate but it's the verbal abuse and it hurts just as much . I have just gone back to work after being ill with stress for 6 weeks and now I feel I'm back to square one . The crisis Team have been no help and he won't go to hospital so I'll have to tolerate this until he calms down.
Why won't the crisis team do anything?
Don't know when I ran them they told me to bring him to hospital but when I explained he won't go they said they can't help
How do they expect you to manage that?! Can the ambulance service not help? I'm sorry, I know nothing of his condition, just very concerned for your safety.
Debra I've been through this so many times. At one point my younger son and I fitted locks to our bedroom doors to keep my elder son out. People are advising you to phone the police but I'm wondering if you have actually done so yet? I know you have reasons that mean you would rather not, but I think this trumps those reasons now. If you son is throwing his dinner that is physical aggression and you can justifiably say he is a danger to himself and others. Even if the police end up not doing anything right away you will have started to get a record made of your son's behaviour and your concerns.
Every day I used to wake up thinking, "This is impossible, this is impossible." You just keep on going and going and then the impossible happens. Frustration and anger is common and I empathised how confused he must be but eventually my son began to make sense of his voices, visions and unusual beliefs. They have not gone away but my son has found a way to live with them and has started to live his life again.
In the darkest times of supporting him I always made sure I looked after myself. Night after night of sleeping in running shoes with my car keys and mobile zipped in my pockets. Cigarettes and more warm clothes in the car in case I had to flee. I think the police and Crisis Team would have struck me off if I called at every crisis. KEEP YOURSELF SAFE.
It's the bravest who ask for help. Seek out your allies.
Here are some websites I have found helpful: