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Carers UK Forum • I am lost, suffering from Anxiety
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I am lost, suffering from Anxiety

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2022 12:34 pm
by Sharph_2207
I feel lost & mentally alone, its getting to a point where I'm not sure if I'm myself am the problem or how to deal with my current situation...

I'm 20 with Anxiety and ID (intellectual Disability, high functioning), unemployed. I was supposed to be going into a program that supposedly helps people with disabilities find a job. I have been waiting for a year now. I did contact them but they said it would be a couple more months, which is starting to get harder because while my mom is supporting me since we live together, my grandparents from both sides of my family I think are maybe worried and they have been pressuring me to get a job "you don't have to stay on this path, y'know."

I am constantly given suggestions on what to do and its getting overwhelming for also my mom who is getting pressured by my nana (my mom's mother) about why I'm not doing anything. Which has been making me feel like a burden & useless...though I try to make myself useful by getting groceries or using gov cheques to help pay rent...

My anxiety and mental health have been getting worse emotional wise, I tried to contacting my social worker (or my new recent counselor) but nothing, same thing with my employability counselor...it makes me feel like I've done nothing or not been trying hard enough. I am scared of going to my friends because I feel like if I go to them, not that they aren't supportive, I feel like I'm going to lose them from me being the way I am currently...

Outside of job & pressure, my anxiety worsens around people who are angry or irritated or if attention is suddenly on me. One of the reasons why I have been trying to contact my new counselor...

This anxiety has been around since my preteens (when my alcoholic dad was present before I had to put my foot down on not seeing him anymore because he was getting worse and tried manipulating me to go against my mom when I tried confronting him about him his actions, he started texting people that I hated him..) And while I have gotten better at calming down a little or seeing its not me the anger or irritability is directed at. its something I struggle with and my mom has been getting upset since she feels she can't express any negative emotions, she's been trying to tell me to not let other people's emotions get to me (which she said isn't learned right away but ..I don't get how to do that or learn that), it makes me feel awful since I don't mean to upset her...googling this problem hasn't been helpful either...

I am so lost & I am in tears...am I doing something wrong? Am I to blame for my decisions up to this point or being unreasonable? Am I "too sensitive"...?

Re: I am lost, suffering from Anxiety

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2022 12:52 pm
by bowlingbun
It sounds like your family was far from perfect, parents separated, dad an alcoholic.

Someone I know was slightly autistic, struggled with relationships as school when she was younger. She tried dog grooming, working in an opticians, then working in a pasty shop. 3 years later, she is manager of a bakery shop!

At the moment, there are masses of jobs available in my area, the New Forest. Waiters, table cleaners, cleaning caravans. Like my friend, you may need to try a few jobs before finding the perfect one.

I have worked in a shop, waitress in a hotel, social care, hospital administration, special visits officer at the National Motor Museum at Beaulieu, even ran a national lorry club for 20+ years. I can drive a 10 ton steam roller and learned to ride a powerful motorbike and spent many weekends every year towing a caravan hundreds of miles. None of which was ever really planned! Try to take opportunities that are available, now. Just because you didn't have the best upbringing doesn't have to hold you back in later life. Every job you do will add something to your CV. My school reports said I was a "Chatterbox". Every job I've ever had has involved talking to complete strangers, often men!

You need to build up your confidence, and it's not going to happen when all these people are telling you what to do!
Maybe if your grandparents had supported their own children better they would not be separated or alcoholic?

Every time I go out, I see jobs advertised. Don't think "I can't do that because.." You are going to have to do things just a bit outside your comfort zone, just dare yourself a bit.
Decide what you don't like most, for example if you don't like noisy places (like me) don't go for a job where there is constant noise and lots of people.
In fact, start by doing you own likes and dislikes list.
Do it on your computer and then shuffle it into what you like the most and hate the most.
Then think about your qualifications. What do you have now? What would you like? This is a good time to sign up for courses that start in September. Can you drive?

Re: I am lost, suffering from Anxiety

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2022 2:12 pm
by Charles_2112
BB, although you've given good advice, I'm afraid it's lost in the ether. The original post is a straight, unattributed, copy and paste from another forum, originally posted a few days ago on that forum. To say the least, that's uncool, and it's against our rules. Normally I'd remove the post but as you've replied, I'll simply lock the thread so people who might need it can get the advice you've given.

We get a lot of these but they're usually caught before anyone replies. Sorry about that.