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help, desperate - Carers UK Forum

help, desperate

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Please can anyone help?I have a 20 year old son, insulin dependent diabetic since he was a baby, clinical depression for the last three or four years.He has been rushed into hospital several times very ill. He has recently been sacked from his summer job for stealing,and has now been turned down for a permanent job because of it.

Tonight he walked out of the house saying I didn't want him. I managed to find him,after my daughter and I had gone out separately looking. My husband phoned the police. I phoned Social Services and the GP on call, I cannot cope ANY longer. All day I have been at a stage 3 complaint with Social Services about my elder son, who has Downs Syndrome. It went really well, and for the first time in two years I felt really optimistic.

The GP on call was too busy with bigger priorities, the Social Worker on call also had other priorities, I tried phoning MIND and havne't heard back yet, although I expect they will get in touch when they get the message, my husband is disabled also, my daughter is sitting here in tears, my son with Downs Syndrome reassuring everyone that it will all be okay.

I spoke to the police earlier, as they were concerned, after he ran off. They felt that I was very strained and needed help, so I should call 999 for an ambulance. The ambulance men came, but because he is talking sensibly, they cannot do anything. They have got him to sign something to say that he is happy they haven't had to take him in. THey were quite firm to him about his needs, as he has not been taking his medication, although he told me he was. I do not know any more whether he is telling me the truth or not, as he lies all the time. DSS have written to him saying that because he was sacked he may not get jobseekers allowance, which he did not tell me about until he was desperate this evening;we live on benefits, are we supposed to make our income stretch even further now?

If my son is not seen as a matter of urgency, I believe I will be the one in a psychiatric hospital at the end of the next few days. The paramedic said I needed to talk to my GP, and that I need a good nights rest!Hah, fat chance of that.

If anyone can give me any advice at all, I will be so thankful. Image
Hi Daisy
This is the problem with the mental health services at this moment you only really have 2 options 1 is to ring the local mental health crisis team, or take youre son to the the local A+E and demand to see the on call phychiatrist, they will tell you there is not one but there is one, that is the only way to get any help, I hope this helps you a little, if you need to talk please feel free to PM me
Take care
Hi Daisy,
I had this problem with my wife once, she had a psycotic attack and ended up at Stoke Mandiville, she was going mad in the cubical, shouting and sceaming, throwing things about, the doctor suggested that she went to Tindale Hospital (a psyciatric hospital), when the doctor at Stoke Mandiville phoned the doctor at Tindale, he said that he could not admit her because she was not bad enough, after 5 minutes had past and the doctor pleading with Tindale. I took the phone off of him and said that if anything were to happen to her, I would hold him personally responsable, within 10 minutes she was in.
For the first few years of my wife's metal illness, I felt very alone with no help and no care, you know that saying, the louder you bang your drums the more you get herd, you have to shout at the top of your voice and keep shouting until your herd, don't give up Daisy, ask your GP if you can get refered to have a social worker, so that she/he can sort out some of your problems, I managed to get one for my wife, she is very helpful, do you have a carers in your county?, I'm with Herts Carers, you can ask them anything, maybe get a sheet with all of the help lines on it and everything that they offer.
I myself am on benefits and it doesn't stretch very far, I have got a free number here that you can phone about all of the benefits that you are intitled to, it is completely free, you don't have to give your name or address, it is called the benefit enquiry line, the number is (0800)882200.
I have been in your situation many times with my wife and daughter, trying to struggle, pulling my hair out, not being able to cope, try and get as many people, organisations involved as you can, who can help to make your life a bit more easier, I know that it is very hard, I used to get up at 6 in the morning and not go to bed until 2 the next morning, remember, if you fall everything around you will fall, try and get as much help as you can, a little help is better than no help at all, keep your chin up Daisy, your doing a good job.
Good luck Mark.
THanks for the replies.

Things have changed a lot. I hit rockbottom about six weeks ago,as I had so much criticism from so many professionals and extended family, I was ready to walk out. Our son was causing our lives to break down.
At that point, he was declared homeless, (because of my desperation), and offered hostel accommodation)I was not ready for this, convinced he would be dead within a month, I just wanted him to have a lot more support, with our love and backing. He had to take the hostel room, as the council would otherwise not have to offer anything again.(having fulfilled their obligation)He went amicably, with a bag full of food, and an invitation to supper each evening, which he did for three days, and then ended up in hospital again. I was not told, I found out, and I was also told that perhaps someone else should be down as next of kin, which I assumed to be my son's request. I was devastated,and about four hours later, after many phone calls, found out that the hospital had judged me, on my son being in a hostel for the homeless. They had not told me that they did not expect my son to live for the first couple of hours.THEY WERE PREPARED TO LET MY SON DIE WITHOUT SOMEONE WHO LOVED HIM HOLDING HIS HAND.I could have put the emergency Carers plan into place if I had known my son was so ill, as it was, I could not do this. My son was in Intensive Care for three days, and we were advised to allow him to remain at the hostel. When he first came home, I was phoning him twice a day at first, (his request as he was very scared), but now I talk to him at sometime each day but he has now had one month away from us, and seems to be okay. I am still really angry that Services will give him far more support than when he was at home, but am thankful that he is seeing us for loving parents now,and does not have the psychotic behaviour, which may have been down to antidepressant, apparently.

I am stil on edge most of the time,but we are slowly getting there. I am also in the process of a complaint to the NHS about the way I was judged when my son was rushed in.That is still one of my babies, and he wants me to be there, as I want to be there, if he needs me.

At the time, I was lucky to have the support of someone here through PM's, and at midnight when I had this news, I was just able to get all my feelings down. I don't know how people managed before these forums.