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Carers UK Forum • Frustrating Rant BPD wife
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Frustrating Rant BPD wife

Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 8:18 am
by sarah
Hi all, this is my first post and my first rant to ANYONE about my other half, i know its not her fault but i just feel like screaming today.
I have 3 kids and my eldest is 14 and serverley Autistic, he has been in respite this week which is a blessing, but typically the wife is now having a bad time, feel like i never get a damn break. And to top it off this morning i have a meeting in school and i have to collect my sons suitcase etc from the respite centre, my wife drives i do not, but she cant drive to day, says she has vertigo but im suspicious is more of a case she doesn't want to do anything, so now i have to cancel the school meeting, go and pick his stuff up and walk home ( about 2 hours!) because i dont have money for cab or buses, i could scream! actually i would love to be able to get angry about it and clear the air with a good ole argument like normal couples do but i cant as she would just get worst.I just have to keep it all in and carry on *sigh* thanks for reading :)

Re: Frustrating Rant BPD wife

Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 9:26 am
by jenny lucas
What's wrong with her? (I mean, apart from coming across like a self-centred, self-absorbed narcissist?!!!)

Is it that she has BPD (as in your headline?)

How long have you been together? Is it worth staying together? (Bit of a tough question, but in the end it might boil down to that!)

It sounds like you have a LOT on your plate to cope with, and of course your children must come first - is their father(s) involved in their lives at all? Is your wife their (adopted?) 'other mother'? (Sorry if I've got hold of the wrong end of the stick completely - just trying to work out the lay of the land here!)

I ask because if she is 'only' their 'adopted' mum, she may, sadly, have a sense of rivalry with them, and see any physical absence from the household with your son in respite as 'her opportunity' to get all your attention on herself??? (Apologies if I'm being unkind here - but MH is seldom a 'generous' condition alas...... :( )

Hope things get easier. Walking for two hours is NOT acceptable. Shame on her, surely, for that alone??

Re: Frustrating Rant BPD wife

Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 10:38 am
by sarah
we have been together for 8 yr married for 5 i love her very much and we dont have any issues apart from her health which she obviously cant help, she has bouts of being extremely depressed ( her bpd) and she has a million other health issues which add to her problems,she is fine with the kids, i think her social anxiety kicks in when i rely on her to drive, especially when shes having a down day. my kids *father* ( ex husband) is a waste of space ( hence the "ex* lol ) i managed to get the respite unit to send my sons stuff in to school and then his school bus will bring it home when my son is brought home ( thankfully!)

Re: Frustrating Rant BPD wife

Posted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 11:11 am
by jenny lucas
I appreciate she can't help her poor health, but when it comes to mental health issues the key thing is 'effort'....if you feel she IS making as much effort as she possibly can (and to be honest, that didn't come across in your first post??) then fine, but sadly she must realise that your children do come first and foremost, and that condemning you to walk for two hours really is completely unacceptable!

On a more practical note, would it help if you learnt to drive? (Apols if that's not possible for other reasons, eg financial)

Living with anyone with MH issues is very, very difficult - probably the most challenging of any kind of caring at all. Add 'stepfamilies' into that mix and it's even more, more difficult. (My niece has step-children, and MH issues, and yes, it's a problem!)

(Sorry to hear the ex is so useless, but hope at least he does his duty by his children....!)

Like I say, you are carrying a GREAT deal, and simply can't have 'everyone' 'collapse' on you!

Wishing you the best possibly in a 'challenging' (!) situation.