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Struggling with my husband's mental health - Carers UK Forum

Struggling with my husband's mental health

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Hello,

I am new on here, but finding things difficult at the moment and needed somewhere to turn. My husband and I have been together for 10 years. He suffers from clinical depression and we have a 2 year old son.

My husband will not accept support from the GP. He recently left his job as he could no longer cope. This financially impacts on us massively but understand that he isn't able to manage this at the moment. This is all stuff I could deal with.

However at the moment he is also being very critical of me and everything I am doing, which I am finding harder to manage and deal with on top all the other stresses I am currently trying to juggle.

He is pushing me away and I have no idea what to do?

Thanks
Hi Sarah,
that must be very difficult to live with.

I don't have direct experience of a caree with MH issues, but others on here do and will be along.

I don't think it is acceptable that he is refusing help and doing nothing to help himself. This isn't fair on you and the little one. How would you feel about giving him an ultimatum - get help or move out (stay with a mate, his parents etc) until he has sorted himself out.

The MIND website has lots of good advice and a helpline too https://www.mind.org.uk/

Melly1
Hi
I have been trying to deal with my Husband’s Severe Depression and Anxiety for 2 years now and it is very difficult to continue to support someone who makes no effort to fight this awful illness.
I am lucky in I have a very supportive network of friends and family who have all tried to support him and help him out of the black hole he has got into. The Mental Health Service has, in My husband’s case been very good but to be honest I think they really don’t know what else to do, medication doesn’t seem to have any effect and he refused to attend a Psychiatrist appointment which had been arranged after I called the Crisis Team in desperation.
My husband has always been a ‘pleaser’ always doing things for others and so seems to agree to suggestions made by others to please them but as soon as they have left just reverts back to his isolation, he has stopped doing anything that I ask and I too feel that he is pushing me away, whether through guilt or what I dont know. I think your husband is doing much the same with you, which seems very hurtful.
After the last MH Team Visit I was advised to step away from the situation, that the more I try to do is just giving my husband control over me, he has a choice and the more I try to change him it has the opposite effect.
Possibly this is what you need to do, can you get away for a few days to let him see that he has to do things for himself.
It is not easy, I feel angry and sad and guilty that things don’t change but sometimes you need to put yourself and in your case your child first.
Unfortunately there is no magical cure, I wish there was but please look after yourself and know you are not alone