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- Member
Wed Aug 29, 2018 6:44 pm
Your priority is your children, they come first last and always. Think of their best interests, and act upon it.
I would start seeking expert advice on how strong your case would be for getting custody.
Start recording ALL your wife's behaviour that is related to her excessive drinking (like I say, doesn't really matter whether you - or she! - calls it alcoholism ,as it clearly pretty nearly there - most alocholics are in 'denial' that they ARE alcoholics), and to her mental illness.
Keep a daily diary. This will be helpful in your case for getting custody.
How old are your children? Remember, they can indicate their own preferences as well. They won't 'lose' their mum completely, they will jut have a much quieter, saner life without her. I was raised by a mum who had severe mental illness - it was NOT a 'fun childhood' believe me! Our dad did his best, but he was 'helpless'....
Your wife IS manipulative and self-obsessed. There's little about mental illness that makes people 'nicer'. She is 'feeding' her illness, and you are the 'prey'.
You can feel sorry for her, but she is exploiting that pity.
I'm not in the slightest surprised you have reactive depression.
It's very hard to 'walk away' but in the end, YOU cannot stop her being alcohol-dependent, and YOU cannot stop her being mentally ill.
The former is definitely 'in her court' and the latter almost as much so. Remember, those who are mentally ill actually get a lot of 'good stuff' out of it -like the 'freedom' to tell you she can drink herself to oblivion to get rid of the 'bad thoughts' in her head. convenient.
Look up 'secondary gain' and see what I mean. She has NO responsibilities! Wow! Also convenient.
My recommendation is to judge her by the EFFORT she makes - or utterly fails to make - to be 'better'. Or does she use her mental illness as a perpetual excuse to do what she likes, and to hell with the rest of you. ME ME ME ME ME -self-pity -a key part, grimly, of a lot of mental illness (NOT all - but it sounds like it in your wife's case.)
Is there actually any 'reason' for her mental state? Did she suffer childhood abuse, abandonment etc etc? What has 'gone wrong' in her life to cause all this now? If she really did have a nightmare childhood, then you cut her more slack - but not at the expense of your children. Or yourself.
Those with mental illness can 'seek out' kindly partners who feel sorry for them, and once they've got them in their clutches, they poke the 'pity' reaction to get their own way. In way, horrible though it is to look at it this way, it's a form of 'parasitism'. Finding someone to'dump themselves on'....
I would start seeking expert advice on how strong your case would be for getting custody.
Start recording ALL your wife's behaviour that is related to her excessive drinking (like I say, doesn't really matter whether you - or she! - calls it alcoholism ,as it clearly pretty nearly there - most alocholics are in 'denial' that they ARE alcoholics), and to her mental illness.
Keep a daily diary. This will be helpful in your case for getting custody.
How old are your children? Remember, they can indicate their own preferences as well. They won't 'lose' their mum completely, they will jut have a much quieter, saner life without her. I was raised by a mum who had severe mental illness - it was NOT a 'fun childhood' believe me! Our dad did his best, but he was 'helpless'....
Your wife IS manipulative and self-obsessed. There's little about mental illness that makes people 'nicer'. She is 'feeding' her illness, and you are the 'prey'.
You can feel sorry for her, but she is exploiting that pity.
I'm not in the slightest surprised you have reactive depression.
It's very hard to 'walk away' but in the end, YOU cannot stop her being alcohol-dependent, and YOU cannot stop her being mentally ill.
The former is definitely 'in her court' and the latter almost as much so. Remember, those who are mentally ill actually get a lot of 'good stuff' out of it -like the 'freedom' to tell you she can drink herself to oblivion to get rid of the 'bad thoughts' in her head. convenient.
Look up 'secondary gain' and see what I mean. She has NO responsibilities! Wow! Also convenient.
My recommendation is to judge her by the EFFORT she makes - or utterly fails to make - to be 'better'. Or does she use her mental illness as a perpetual excuse to do what she likes, and to hell with the rest of you. ME ME ME ME ME -self-pity -a key part, grimly, of a lot of mental illness (NOT all - but it sounds like it in your wife's case.)
Is there actually any 'reason' for her mental state? Did she suffer childhood abuse, abandonment etc etc? What has 'gone wrong' in her life to cause all this now? If she really did have a nightmare childhood, then you cut her more slack - but not at the expense of your children. Or yourself.
Those with mental illness can 'seek out' kindly partners who feel sorry for them, and once they've got them in their clutches, they poke the 'pity' reaction to get their own way. In way, horrible though it is to look at it this way, it's a form of 'parasitism'. Finding someone to'dump themselves on'....