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Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2018 9:45 pm
Not sure if these will help but there may be some alternative responses here
https://www.rethink.org/carers-family-f ... -behaviour
Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2018 12:33 am
Thanks. That's it, I've had enough! I'm going to have a serious conversation with my husband. It's either we're going for a couple's counseling or I'm leaving home. I must take back some control !
Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2018 10:25 am
That's very understandable.
It does sound like your husband rallied last year, made a huge effort to get counselling (off the weed????) and most importantly to get some college based education/qualification ....and then headed off, head up, into the outside world to get a job...
And then crashed and burned with rejection in the job market....
And now lies bleeding on the floor, thinking 'it's all useless!'.
It's understandable, the crash and burn, BUT, in the end, he just HAS to get up, dust himself down, and keep trying.
I do think my earlier suggestion of him doing voluntary work to begin with might be the way forward for him. I'm assuming he's on some kind of PIP etc at the mo, re money, so hopefully that means he can free up time to volunteer. Can he volunteer maybe for something like Emmaeus (is that it?), where there are other 'walking wounded' human souls, who will understand what he is battling? Or maybe as a drug counseller (I'm sure that no addict listens to anyone who wasn't an addict themselves!).
Doing 'useful things' is essential to our well being. The Victorians used to say 'The devil finds work for idle hands' and it's very true - or rather, the 'devil' preys on our mind etc.
Even if your husband is only doing 'useful things' in the house, from daily chores to projects like redecorating etc etc. It gives a real sense of purpose and achievement and empowerment. He could, too, improve his fitness - another essentially 'useful thing' to do, and jogging is completely free!
As for yourself, as has been said earlier (probably by me!), it's vital you don't be in 'Enabling' mode for him, but in 'Supporting' mode, and I think you have that distinction clear, by the sounds of things!
In the end, the quality he MOST needs now is COURAGE. The courage to face life again, take the blows (rejection in the job market) and find 'useful' things to do, even if, for the moment, they are not remunerated!
Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2018 1:44 pm
So, after suggesting going to counselling together, my husband tried to hang himself. I wasn't around but discovered that police were called by a friend of his who got worried. He was taken to the hospital, was assessed and discharged in a few hours. He seems to be doing a bit better in the last few days but it's just awful knowing that he could end his life at any given moment. I dropped the couple's counselling idea for now and will seek a one-to-one counsellor (although I can't really afford one)
Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2018 2:46 pm
you can get free counselling through GP or self refer online. There's also online and telephone options. Just google CBT and your area.
i had some online which helped me
I am so sorry your husband chose that option, but it was his choice, you did not make him take that action. keep strong and look after yourself ( as best as you can)
Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2018 5:57 pm
Oh dear God! If only they could damn well understand that suicide is not helping anyone!
Is there any chance he could be sectioned? I know it's grim, but it would give you peace of mind for a while at least??
Sorry, this isn't being very sympathetic to him, but it's you I was thinking of (as he clearly can't.....)
Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2018 6:37 pm
Hello again Fig
Sorry for the short reply earlier, I was at work and shouldn't really have been in the forum
Here's a link to some phone help lines that might be of use to you
https://www.rethink.org/carers-family-f ... e/contacts
while you are in such a ghastly situation
Im sure I'm not the only one who spotted the link and timing of his behaviour. It is a way of him keeping control of the situation, and you. Heaven knows what is going on inside him, but you must just keep telling yourself that he does have choices how to behave and react and he could access help and counselling, if and when he chooses.
Nothing that is happening is your fault. You can only continue to encourage him to get help and support.
Please please carry on looking after yourself emotionally and practically. Keep safe, even if that means removing yourself from him
Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2018 8:13 pm
I've got some good news for a change! I've been to an intake appointment at VOCAL and will be starting affordable counselling soon.