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END OF LIFE ARRANGEMENTS - Carers UK Forum

END OF LIFE ARRANGEMENTS

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
surely I can't be the only person with this problem ? son in secure unit, mentally ill 20 years his life is totally ****d. I've given him all my passwords financial details et cetera but he doesn't want to know. Said he wants to die before me. Which he might well manage he stopped eating, hospital hasn't a clue they just stuff him with psychiatric drugs that never work that haven't worked for 20 years. He is being forced to have injections which is disgusting beyond belief.

As for me I have a task which I cannot possibly complete : friends and family don't want to know, solicitor was dishonest let me down lost my will. Although, stupidly I have no one to leave anything to. I have bought a funeral hoping to save people the trouble, originally did this for my son but it doesn't look like he's going to want to know if I'm dead, they probably won't even let him out of hospital for a funeral. and is there actually any point in having a funeral if nobody turns up for it ?

Had a fellow carer I thought was a friend, wanted her to take my flat keys in case I dropped dead/got locked out. Have known this person about 35 years. She just refused. Was quite nasty, telling me I should have friends. wtf I thought she was my friend. I know a few people but they just acquaintances. Somebody of 85 said they would take my key - not a very good risk, 15 years older than me. that's London for you, a lot of acquaintances but nobody really knows you, people die, people move, people go mad, get put in hospital, or just somehow they all fade away.

My GPs are bloody useless all they have are stupid counsellors and drugs which don't work. that's if you can be bothered to spend hours on the phone to get an appointment. I should have been dead years ago with all the stress, should never have been born my son should never have been born but, haven't managed to kill myself it's just too difficult or maybe I'm just a coward. one thing to stand on the edge of the river, another to have the courage to jump in. And people getting angry about my suicidal thoughts, do not help. The one thing that would propel me over the parapet is some idiot in a panic rushing in to save me.

On one level I'm being stupid if I drop dead and lie undiscovered for several months before anyone clears up all the mess, I'm not going to know about it. But on another level. I would feel more peaceful if I could make some arrangements. This bloody woman who wouldn't take my key, is on loads of committees, helping starving people in Africa, food banks, mental health groups blah blah, but cannot do one simple thing for a neighbour she is known for 35 years and is supposed to be her friend. I've tried asking age UK etc not got anywhere. is there not some organisation that can take responsibility for people nearing the end of their life who have no one ?

Being a carer means you have all the responsibility, all the blame. But who the ***** is going to be responsible for YOU ? how is anyone supposed to cope with this impossible task of doing everything that everyone, then at the end of life being expected to bury themselves and arrange everything when they're dead ?

so much bloody happy New Year one is lucky to get through the next 5 minutes. By the way MSBR is not rubbish like most therapies etc are.
Hi Anita
I don't know if either of these ideas is any help but the Council could provide a lifeline which is a button to press if you needed urgent help and were alone.
Depending on what your local Council is like , they may offer something called "Carers in Crisis" . At my local Council you can register as a carer, and then if anything were to happen to you, they would be immediately notified that your son would be alone (albeit in care) and that you were no longer able to support him so they would step in.
Perhaps you could have a key box fitted and book an occasional care/domestic help visit perhaps once a week or once a fortnight so at least you know someone is coming?
Henrietta's points have reminded me that Kent have a similar scheme. You wou be logged on a system and have an emergency card to state that you are a carer.
A lifeline would also require a keysafe with the number being available to emergency services if necessary.
I'd suggest going back to a (different?) solicitor to talk through your final arrangements and identifying someone yourself. The woman next door to me was elderly and alone in the world. She was known to social services and finally died in hospital. I was horrified to see people in her house some time later clearing it with abandon. Turned out they were very distant relatives, tracked down by the courts. They told me they'd had a laugh at some of the letters she had kept and that they couldn't find anything worth keeping. It was a cold, callous end that lacked respect.
Having funeral plans in advance means your remains will be treated with respect and according to your wishes, even if the congregation consists of one person.
If the community around you is unsupportive, have you considered moving to a warden supported situation?
Better to leave one's possessions to charity, rather than the experience Juggler describes.

Very very sad all round.
thanks for suggestions. What's really making me uncomfortable is not having anyone to leave key with, having a box is no good if nobody else has has the code. Yes I wanted to move to sheltered accommodation, long story was stitched up by GP, had to pay her for a reference she said bad things about me which in fact were not true. yes I've been given a whole lot of other sheltered accommodation leads - but they all involve buying a place and I've a paltry couple of thousand and not enough to buy a flat or house.

You'd think, there would be some kind of agency, where you could leave details of how to get into the flat. I'm resigned to money being left in accounts forever, Facebook etc accounts being left forever. Trouble with solicitors is, when you check it out then isn't actually any legal obligation to carry out your wishes. I'm past caring, if people laugh at my stuff. After all, I will not be there to see it.

what about the bloody GPs should they not have some responsibility for winding up people's lives ?