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Difficult, heartbreaking choices - Carers UK Forum

Difficult, heartbreaking choices

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
So, my situation in a nutshell... I’ve been with my husband almost 20 years, we met when I was 18 and got married a few years later. We’ve had ups and downs like any other couple, but 9 years into our relationship things went horribly wrong and he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia.. it was an awful few years but we somehow made it to the other side and he is relatively stable. We didn’t have children, because with all that going on it was impossible, and I now find myself in a very difficult position. Our relationship has of course been adversely effected. It’s not perfect but it’s comfortable.. we hardly ever argue, but we sleep in separate rooms.. you get the picture.. the problem is I still want children and I’m now 38 so have very little time. My husband agreed that we could try but this is difficult when we don’t even have sex. I’ve contemplated my options... I can either try to have a child with my husband (but there are no guarantees) and accept this mediocre life... or I can separate from him for a chance at something more... but this would be a very big gamble... because what are the chances of meeting someone nice that also wants a family at this late stage of our lives. But most importantly, it would turn my husbands life upside down and he really has been through enough.. we both have. I guess I’m just posting this to see what other people’s opinions are, because I really don’t know what to.. I love my husband and it tears me up inside to think of leaving him.. but I really would like a family and a partner who desires me.
Have you had any counselling together. The fact that there is some dialogue between you re: the issues. Is positive but perhaps a different approach with an impartial adviser. Might help going forward to further clarify. Both your future expectations on your relationship. As you love your husband and there are many ways to having a family. You seem to state is lack of affection. Again I think we can at times just glide along. And forget relationship take a major effort. Maybe a counsellor could help to direct each of you to be really frank and open. About each others feeling and what is currently missing. And your future expectations.

Are you questioning having a child with your husband. The responsibility of caring for him and a child. Would you feel able to manage both.

Do you think you are bereaved for your life. Before your husband Schizophrenia diagnose. Is this still an unresolved issue. We have to try and deal with an unresolved issue. Before we move on to another one. Easy to say I know.
Jennifer

That's a tricky one.

There is no easy answer.

Having children does put a lot of pressure on on i
itself.

I like many others did not expect to have have children with disabilities and has put a huge strain on our lives at times, but also a lot of joy.

I would also be looking at whether Szchizoprenia is heredity.

I hope you find the right answer for you.