[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
Depression-help for the carer - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Depression-help for the carer

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
Nail on head there Sturdygirl, for alot of us coping with mental health, the help available to us is just not suitable, these charities just dont seem to understand that its not just mental health we are dealling with, alot of the time (not always) there ar other physical issues to deal with aswell, certainly this is my case, The risk of my wife having another major stroke is high, she has type 2 diabetes which is out of control, she has neuropathy in her legs and cant walk far unaided, coupled to the aggorahobia, OCD, deppression and Borderline Personality Disorder, I need to be on hand at all times so taking an overnight break simply isnt an option. There is also my 1 year old daughter to consider in all of this, if I go out and my wife had that stroke there would be no one here to take care of her either.
SturdyG, Simon ,, sending you both big ((((((((HUGS)))))))
Nail on head there Sturdygirl, for alot of us coping with mental health, the help available to us is just not suitable, these charities just dont seem to understand that its not just mental health we are dealling with, alot of the time (not always) there ar other physical issues to deal with aswell, certainly this is my case, The risk of my wife having another major stroke is high, she has type 2 diabetes which is out of control, she has neuropathy in her legs and cant walk far unaided, coupled to the aggorahobia, OCD, deppression and Borderline Personality Disorder, I need to be on hand at all times so taking an overnight break simply isnt an option. There is also my 1 year old daughter to consider in all of this, if I go out and my wife had that stroke there would be no one here to take care of her either.
Hi Simon. Trouble is that a lot of organisations are one-trick ponies: they specialise in one issue, which is great in one sense (they really know their subject) but they don't understand the whole situation or how one element impacts on another. And the tendency is to concentrate on the mental health aspect only.
please hang on in there. My OH has had depression for 10 years now. the illness makes him Not the the man i married 34 years ago. I knlow he is "in there" somewhere and hope "he" will reappear in the future. The problem with outsiders is they dont understand what happens in your home. For instance, our neighbour said my OH looks good when he see s him and didnt quite understand when i explained others only see OH on good days as he doesnt leave the house(or bed) on a bad day. Hang on in there we are all behind you and dont forget to have a good moan if you want or need one and dont ever feel bad aabout doing it. we are doing a "job" others have no idea of !!!!! or could ever do . Well done to all carers of depressives and lets all hope for an anxiety less(if only a littlt bit) springtime. At least we can have some time in the garden away from the 4 WALLS.
Thanks for the hugs Minnie
In one respect I am lucky, we have 3 kids, all teenagers now, I'm sure if it wasn't for them sometimes I would have gone a bit round the bend! They make me laugh, help out, and I have someone else to talk to.
Inspired, I have to agree, on the odd occasion we do have visitors, OH seems to put on a show, (or just get out of the way and go to bed) and in turn they think all is well, it's rare that anyone see's him on a really bad day, he just doesn't want anyone to know.
Simon, Hubs went through a very depressive stage when the kids were little, it was a very difficult time for me. Do you have help with your little one? Children are brilliant at that age, so inquisitive and eager to learn, also a handful!
On the upside, spent most of yesterday in the garden Image
Roll on summer Image
x
I know what you mean about a handfull sturdygirl, our little madam is upto allsorts atthe moment lol but its fun watching her develop and SO quickly!!
Its just me looking after my wife and my little girl, no outside help for littlun but I dont expect it anyway.
Things are getting steadily worse here with my wife though, she is in decline, I cant do right for doing wrong at the moment.
Simon,
Honestly? I don't know how you cope, it's difficult enough caring for someone, let alone a toddler as well!
But like you said previously, we just do don't we?
Sorry to hear your wife is going through a rough time, is it time for a meds review? Only asking as my big bro has mental health problems and we were told as he gets older he will need more meds or changes of meds, as often the condition worsens, sorry if I'm clutching at straws here, I'm sure you've tried every route possible.
May I ask what stepps is? Could this lead on to other things, e.g. more help for you?
xx
STEPPs is a group therapy that teaches you how to deal with day to day living and moving on from your depression, it doesnt go over past issues, it can be quite challenging for the patient. its a 20 week course but Its quite a new (american) thing. Basically challenge your thinking type therapy.
My wifed meds are stable but she is due to see her psychologist soon.
Hopefully we will have a plan afer that.
So this is where you two (Sturdygirl and Simon) are hanging out - must admit I don't often get off the top forums!

My OH is medicated for depression though this isn't his primary illness, he had a nervous breakdown some years before we met which is more than 10 years ago. I've experienced one really bad spell when he wouldn't leave the house because that's where he feels safe although this didn't include the garden - the door was a barrier to him. I didn't deal with it very well unfortunately I tend to be like a mirror and reflect the emotions of people around me - not a lot of help really Image

The GP sees him regularly and keeps an eye on his mood (if that's the right word). Never attended STEPS or the other programme mentioned, OH once saw a councillor and proudly states that he tied them in knots so don't think any talking therapy would be entertained by him.

The way it works for us at the moment is we both do a lot of voluntary work for a local charity, so go out most days and see lots of people. This is a bit of a double edged sword as it means we avoid issues at home (I have 3 children all at secondary school), housekeeping and relationship issues because we're always busy and when OH gets home he's tired and normally falls asleep. He doesn't feel safe if I'm away from him for more than an hour, he has to be able to see me.

Everything sort of muddles along until something rears its head - current issue being landlord not happy with overgrown large garden so as well as the issue being a little unjust OH cannot do gardening anymore so this just compounds his feeling of uselessness and hates me doing it because then I'm not 'with him', he doesn't want the hassle of communicating with landlord but doesn't want me to do it either and I'm trying not to get miffed every time he says 'we must cut that back, or dig that over' when its quite obvious he can't physically do it and if he attempted to he'd be in agony for days, so really its me that'll do it and my list of things to do increases, (especially when he volunteers me to do tasks at the charity) and its still me that cooks at the end of the day, kids are seriously rebelling!

Ok think I better stop 'cos I'm moaning which wasn't really my intention, just wanted to say that I relate to some of what you guys mentioned.

Can you explain to me how you address issues with your partners when you're trying not to bring them down but that you're not happy with something they're doing or have done? I'm sick of analysing how I feel and how I ought to feel and considering everyone else. I don't have a bad life, in fact I'm luckier than a lot of people but I can see it all blowing up in my face if I don't address some issues soon!
Hi Jane,
You found us !! I thought we were having a game of hide and seek down here! Image

Our Hubs sound similar... mine likes me to be close at hand, didn't anywhere without me... until only recently when he has been out with a Social Worker ( twice so far), but will not go anywhere alone ( fair enough, falls and absences are a problem)
I think the CBT has helped a little, he answered the phone the other day, and has been thinking about going to a bird club meeting Image ( I will have to go too of course, but it's a social thing, so no complaints from me!)
It's great that you go out, that's the one thing that really bugs me... winter and the same 4 walls!

As for the gardening, OH sits and tends the pots, I mow, son strims, Hubs will on occasion do a bit of mowing, but last time (last summer) he ended up in a heap on the grass, so not sure if he will give it a go this year, my philosophy is... if he feels up to trying, don't stop him! Just be ready for a few days of him knackered and in pain.

Addressing issues..... This was my thought from the beginning....the reason for the post really.
Hubs has had CBT, has now got a SW, but still no-one has given me info on how to deal with things.
I have come to the conclusion, that speaking my mind, calmly and in a nice way is the only way to go. Yep, I say the wrong thing sometimes, but it's better than bottling things up.

Simon, Stepps sounds very much like the CBT hubs has had, except Hubs had to over past life which really bugged him, some days he came home more down than when he started!
Hope the visit to the psychologist is helpful
xx