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Depression-help for the carer - Carers UK Forum

Depression-help for the carer

For issues specific to caring for someone with mental ill health.
OH suffers from Depression. Also physical problems.
The physical side I can deal with, I can see when help is needed. but the depression is so difficult sometimes.
I have read an old thread on here about CBT, OH is currently receiving this councilling, although I haven't seen much of a change yet. (it is early days though)
What I want to know is... where can I find help for me? As in help for the carer and how to help deal with caree's depression?
He doesn't like to go out, gets very anxious and has panic attacks, will not go out without me, I attend every GP/Hosp appointment with him, even sit outside and do a puzzle for an hour while he has his CBT.
It is all well and good OH getting therapy once a week, but I am the person with him 24/7, where is my advice on how to help him? Surely I should be somehow involved.
We used to do so much together as a family, I miss those days.
OH isn't grumpy very often, I think the medication has worked in that respect,we still laugh together and have a good relationship but he worries about things, has down days and just hates going out.
He has been on meds for 12 months now and had 6 CBT sessions so far.
I can understand the reasons for the depression, I just feel a bit useless as I'm not sure how to help him, or if I am always doing/saying the right things, I mean, when does encouragement turn to nagging?...I never push him into doing anything, but then again, should I?

It seems to be a vicious circle, when he has to go out, GP visit etc, he has alot of pain, and is so tired afterwards that he is off his feet for days, then he feels guilty because I have to do more for him, therefore fuelling the feeling of not wanting to go out.

I just wondered how other carers cope, and if there is any advice out there for us
xx
Sturdygirl, you definitely should be involved. I suggest you talk to your OH about discussing this with your GP to make sure that you're involved in your OH's care.
Thanks Charles,
It's a bit quiet down here at the bottom of the board isn't it? Image
We will be visiting OH's GP in the new year to discuss his new meds, think I will try and have a chat then
OH is quite happy for me to be involved in that side of things as well, we've had a chat and he says I am doing everything right to help him, I just feel there could be more if I was better informed
x
It's a bit quiet down here at the bottom of the board isn't it? Image
It does get quiet down here below the waterline Image

Chances are you are doing the right things, but it's better to be involved and doing things from an informed position rather than guessing. It's also about being treated as a partner.
I had to learn to stand back and build some sort of life for myself. The OH can drag you right down with their depression and it seems to go on interminably. Being abandoned by so-called friends due the OH's behaviour was hard but it's possible to adjust. Its important to help the person to overcome the tendency to stay home and not do anything. Being dumped without warning by the CMHRS was the worst but we just have to carry on without the so-called 'professionals'. Good luck to all who care for depressed OHs. Varya XXX
Sturdygirl and Varya this is exactly my situation, the truth of the matter is, as I have found there is only one person that can help you in this situation, and thats YOU! Sucks dont it?
My otherhalf doesnt do CBT but attends stepps on a wednesday, however we are coming to the last session and I dont know what continuity of care there will be yet.
Its hard, im lucky if I get to go out one day a week as I have to be here full time, I could call in crossroads for the day to give me a break but OH doesnt like having strangers in the house (part of her depression) as it causes her anxiety as the flat is her "safe zone"

Its damned hard, your with someone you love yet so alone, freinds stop calling round, your lucky if you can keep in touch with them even over the net so you find yourself isolated from the rest of the world too, in a way its like your partners depression is also YOUR depression.

There are days I want to scream.

People ask how we cope? The answer is we dont think about it we just do it, if we stopped to think about our situation we wouldnt cope, its a viscious situation to be in and loneliness is the hardest thinng to deal with.
Hi all, I'm new so please be gentle! Image

Just typed a long-ish reply and it disappeared when I tried to post it. Image

I sought out this site because of the reasons some of you have described above. OH was diagnosed with depression about 20 years ago. Very up and down since then, and diagnosed bipolar a couple of years ago. He's had various treatments with varying degrees of success but I find that I barely get considered let alone supported by the medical profession. Friends and family are great but don't always 'get it'. I'm trying to juggle home life with 2 primary age children (and sometimes a 40 something child!) and a full time job. It's hard!! OH in deep depression now and for the last few weeks. I can't see that I'm ever going to get back the bloke I fell in love with. Image
Hi all, I'm new so please be gentle! Image

Just typed a long-ish reply and it disappeared when I tried to post it. Image

I sought out this site because of the reasons some of you have described above. OH was diagnosed with depression about 20 years ago. Very up and down since then, and diagnosed bipolar a couple of years ago. He's had various treatments with varying degrees of success but I find that I barely get considered let alone supported by the medical profession. Friends and family are great but don't always 'get it'. I'm trying to juggle home life with 2 primary age children (and sometimes a 40 something child!) and a full time job. It's hard!! OH in deep depression now and for the last few weeks. I can't see that I'm ever going to get back the bloke I fell in love with. Image
1st off, welcome Rachael.

I know what you mean and know exactly where you are coming from. Depression is an awfull thing to deal with and with children aswell its all the harder ( I have a one year old daughter)
My wife is the shadow of the woman I fell in love with and I feel like she has gone, forever. I still love her dont get me wrong but the spark and the vitality which made up such a huge part of her has dissapeared.
Your not alone, we are always here, even me if you can put up with my inane ramblings lol
Hi Rachel, Image
Hi Rachel,
Welcome to the forum Image This is a great place to speak to people in similar situations, have a rant when you need one, and a giggle as well! Image

Simon, what you said rings so true.... Hubs doesn't like strangers in the house either, or visitors in general if it's a bad day, the home seems to be the 'safe zone'. He copes well while we have no plans, appointments etc, then like you say, when we have to go out the anxiety kicks in, he doesn't sleep well and sometimes gets a bit grumpy.

The CBT has come to an end now, but he now has a social worker for 6 weeks who has taken him out twice so far, OH has signed up for an I.T. course! SW stays with him to help boost his confidence and has a good chat with him over a coffee as well. Not sure what will happen when the SW time comes to an end, if OH decides he wants to carry on I will have to go with him (while the absences are still uncontrolled he needs someone with him.)

The best bit was the phone call from 'Making Space', the charity for carers looking after someone with a mental health condition, the lady was really pushing for me to except a day out, or an overnight stay, I kept trying to explain that it's not just depression OH suffers from and I can't just up and leave him, but bless her she just wasn't getting it.
Nice to know there is help out there for me, just not suitable! Image
xx