Depression and being a carer

[Corinne Henderson]

Hi all Its my first time posting a new topic so here goes. How do you cope with yourself while caring for a husband who has Picks disease? He is56 and life feels all up hill. Because of depression I need to talk and know I am loved . But we don't and I don't. I have a silent scream that won't come out yet weighs so heavy I can barely breath. I am watching him fade away and it kills me. We have been together for 36 years but now he is a stranger. I have read others comments and share their feelings and pain . We have no voice even if we get help it soon vanishes. Depression makes you feel exhausted , barely able to think yet , I know my husband depends on me. I cope by keeping my head down and slowly plodding through the days. Can anyone relate to how I feel ???

[purge11]

I am sorry no one has managed to reply to your post. I must say it would be very hard for anyone to relate to how us carers feel, we all have our own limits.

It is so difficult to watch your loved one suffer as this and yes depression will set in, but for you to be there for him is the greatest gift you can offer. I just hope you get support yourself. It must have taken some brave feelings to post here and your post is not wasted, people actually learn from what you express.

As a carer myself, I have suffered some depression and it is so hard to admit it, you just want the depression to go away, but I guess it shows sometimes there are no easy answers to the situation.

[bowlingbun]

Depression or absolute frustration at the situation? The two feel like the same at times. You know you want something you can't have, and it hurts. You either fight it, or get help to accept it. I have counselling. I don't like being widowed, having a disabled son and disabled mum, but I accept I can't change that. I can, however, take breaks from caring, I can enjoy sewing, reading, gardening, so 'd suggest trying to find a good counsellor and somethung you can lose yourself in, even if it's only for a few minutes a day.

[jenny lucas]

Corinne, has really no one replied to you till now? I'm so sorry! I do know 'of' you in that the moment I read your post here (seeing that Purge and BB had posted newly) because of the Pick's disease, which I only learnt of here about its existence (interestingly, it cropped up in Holby City a while back....)

There isn't much I can say that's 'helpful' because the situation you and your husband are in is so grim. I can 'sympathise' with you, because, like BB, I too am a widow, and that 'silent scream' is something I remember from the months after my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and when he went into end stage and died months later. Did he have an 'easy escape' compared with what your husband is going through? Hard to call it - neither fate is the slightest, slightest, SLIGHTEST what we thought our marriages would be like....

I think as the others here are saying, try and get 'little breaks' away, sort of like surfacing to breathe fresh air into your lungs, even if you then have to dive back down into the murk of your grim 'reality'.

in a way, perhaps, you are 'waiting'....waiting for the inevitable end, via the inevitable worsening of your husband's health. The agony is that you have only two choices - having your husband alive but deteriorating and debilitated, or not having him at all.....

One point I would pick up on that you made. You say you have a need to 'know you are loved'.....but one of the only 'consolations' of widowhood that I feel every, every day, is that I was loved to the very, very end of my husband's life. A friend of mine is divorced, and had the man she loved walk out on her - reject her. Cease to love her. I was spared that. So I hope that you can trust in the love you share with your husband, even if he is 'gone beyond' any ability to express his for you in any way. It's there, in his very presence at your side....

With kind wishes, and again, sorry not to have any 'cheerfulness' to offer, and that your original post seems to have slipped away unti lnow.

Jenny

[Sprinter]

I cope by keeping my head down and slowly plodding through the days. Can anyone relate to how I feel ???

Hi Corinne, I can relate to your situation. I'm sure most of us can. It is very hard to care for a spouse/partner and watch the life you once had fade away and even the memories become painful. My depression got to the point where I thought if I ended it all at least my caree would get some better care. At the moment I'm felling okay but still looking over the edge.

Keeping your head down and plodding on is a good thing, it's another day when you've done your best. But I think you should make changes to your life and think more selfishly. Sounds harsh but it isn't. Just some little things that you can do and that you will enjoy. It not half has good as sharing your your husband/wife, but it does make a difference.

Have you read this thread?
http://www.carersuk.org/forum/social-ar ... ined-20973