Please help having a melltdown with husband bpd

[Jess_1703]

Hello this is my first post. I am very close to walking away from my marriage with my children. This sounds horrible doesnt it. Ive tried to support my husband after his diagnosis of bpd last year. But i got to work as many hours as possible he doesnt touch the housework all day just runs around after other people. He has absolutely no get up and go and bothered about supporting us financially i am currently trying my best for the family and training up in accountancy. Im at breaking point. Ive been told im selfish and it my fault if he hurts himself my minds going overtime. I have fear i wont cope with my children. Am i selfish to think he is dodging his responsibilities and im not sure how much more i can take. Whe hes having a good day hes lovely life is good i just dont know where to reach out im determind to support him the best i can but at the same time im reminded sometimes of a previous dv relationship i was in. Its all just a mess on a plus is hes amazing with kids

Xx

[bowlingbun]

I'm on your side. There is only so much anyone can take, and it sounds as though you have reached your limit. However, before you make that final step, what about the practicalities, especially housing?

[Jess_1703]

The house is my name as i hold the tenancy. He will be able to go back to his mums house not a problem. Im heartbroken im so weak. I wish i could have my husband back xx

[Debra_16011]

I feel for you jess as it's stressful enough working full time with young children without adding a husband with a mental health condition into the mix. Are you able to sit down and have a frank talk with him telling him exactly how you feel ? It sounds like you need a break from him to recharge your batteries at least. Venting on here is good too as we have all felt like walking away I no I have but sometimes after I've had advice from people it gives me strength to carry on . I wish you all the luck in the world. X

[Jess_1703]

Thank you i sat down with him last night telling him how i feel and how he needs to step up. I told him i was falling apart he then went very suicidal on me i had to stay awake last night ensuring he didnt do anything . I set out to find support today as i cant go on and i found this forum which so far i have found some good chats. Im going to move forward tommorrow with list and positiveness trying my best probably relying heavily on this group i am getting carers support from from the mental health team which i was refered for today x

[Debra_16011]

Jess it's almost like you have another child to deal with. I know he can't help having a mental health condition but he isn't doing much to help himself. Sorry if I sound harsh but it seems like he became suicidal when you told him you're struggling to cope. So it became about him and you had a sleepless night . Does he have help from the mental health team ?

[Jess_1703]

Yes he is under the community mental health psychiatrist he is on 2 types of anti depressants and a anti psychotics twice a day. Without these meds he acts very impulsive and can loose his tenper quick. i felt very selfish when i spoke about my own feelings and he went like that i thought i was hugely in the wrong and i tipped him over. It like having a extra child. I cant talk to anyone as no one understands me i have felt so alone x

[Debra_16011]

Jess you are far from selfish you have needs too and you also have limits . I don't think it's unreasonable to tell him how you're feeling and it's his illness making him feel suicidal not you. I think you need a lot more support than you're getting. Is there something like rethink where u live they have been a huge support to me . Life is difficult for you at the moment but you and the children are just as important as your husband. If you crumble your husband and children have no support so it's vital you look after yourself and find some support

[Jess_1703]

Yeah we have mind and a couple of others i will contact some tommorrow thank you so much i feel so better i was really beating myself up. Thank you xx

[bowlingbun]

Maybe he needs time at his mum's so he can work out what he wants. Does he always threaten he'll do something to himself when he doesn't get his own way? Definitely push for some "time out" for you and the children. Does he ever think what his behaviour and example is doing to them. They need you to be there for them.